1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,738 [Music playing] 2 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,155 [Moaning] 3 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,434 Oh, yes. 4 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,048 Oh, yes, baby. 5 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,857 Oh, yes. 6 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,825 Oh, yes. 7 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,261 Oh, yes. 8 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:42,270 Shit. 9 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,811 Oh, yes. 10 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,813 Oh, no. 11 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,782 Oh. no. 12 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,284 Oh, no! 13 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,786 Oh, no! 14 00:01:58,886 --> 00:01:59,787 Oh, no! 15 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,745 [Music playing] 16 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,407 He's wearing a rug. 17 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,008 It's about time you got here. 18 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,310 I just don't get it. 19 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,110 Get what? 20 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,678 Abstract art. 21 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:05,746 I mean, what is that? 22 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,415 A boat, or a giraffe? 23 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,749 That's blood, Harry. 24 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,550 O? 25 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,384 No, AB. 26 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,184 Positive? 27 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,085 Maybe. 28 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,120 You better give it to the lab. 29 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,021 Already on it. 30 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,063 I'd like to speak with you regarding Henry. 31 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,366 Your ex partner really took it hard when his dog died, 32 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,600 Didn't he? 33 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,001 Well, it wasn't so bad till he got shot in the head. 34 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,437 That's when he started to bark. 35 00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:30,738 He was a good cop. 36 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,440 Well, now he's a great pet. 37 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,240 Oh, Harry. 38 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,408 Nice of you to swing by. 39 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,510 I told you, Captain, I don't do that anymore. 40 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,345 What a shame. 41 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,412 Oh well. 42 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,547 Come over and take a look at this. 43 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,484 Whoa! 44 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,489 Oh. 45 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,289 Wow. 46 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,324 You see that green stuff? 47 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,159 Yes, sir. 48 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,026 Sperm. 49 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,094 - Cool. - Let me see. 50 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:54,895 Stop. 51 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,530 No. 52 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,565 Wow! 53 00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:00,968 I see trails and colors. 54 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:01,869 Spiders. 55 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:02,936 Whoa! Giant spiders. 56 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:03,737 They're everywhere! 57 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,538 Kill them! 58 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,107 Wow. 59 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,942 What a trip. 60 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,211 So how did it happen? 61 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,781 Well, you see Harry, when a man and a woman... 62 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,283 Or another man. 63 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:20,087 Well, you see Harry when a man becomes aroused, he... 64 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:24,091 What he's saying, Harry, is our boy got his nut. 65 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,092 Came and went. 66 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,494 Scored and was KOed. 67 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,461 Hmm. 68 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,096 Anything to go on? 69 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,365 There's bathrooms down the hall. 70 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,400 Hey, Captain, over here. 71 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,167 Look at this. 72 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,102 Angel dust? 73 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,904 Cleaning lady's name isn't Angel. 74 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,105 It's Lupe. 75 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,239 Suspect? 76 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,007 No. 77 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,041 Mexican. 78 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,776 I want her brought in for questioning. 79 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,614 She's free on Tuesday's now. 80 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:47,415 This is pure cocaine. 81 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,420 It's been cut. 82 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,220 Haven't we all? 83 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,287 But it's not bad. 84 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,423 No. 85 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,690 You want us to find out who he bought it from? 86 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,658 No, Harry. 87 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,560 We could make a few undercover buys. 88 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:00,728 No. 89 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,730 Please! 90 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:05,566 That will just lead us to a blind alley. 91 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,468 We busted that blind guy in the alley last week. 92 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,437 Never saw us coming. 93 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,872 Harry, I'm putting you on this case. 94 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,574 Any latent prints? 95 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,677 Just the one so far in the closet. 96 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,013 Hi. 97 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:25,986 Look, Harry, this is the fourth murder 98 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:30,558 This month involving a scarf, a chain, a saw, and a dead body. 99 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:35,328 If I was a betting man, I'd wager that there 100 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,297 Was a connection between them. 101 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,732 I want you to find out what it is. 102 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,267 What what is? 103 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,335 The connection. 104 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,136 Between what? 105 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,038 The murders, Harry. 106 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,140 You're the best cop I got, Harry. 107 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,309 No offense, Dick. 108 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,544 Cause been established? 109 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,580 It looks like murder, Harry. 110 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,047 Who else knows it's a murder? 111 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,415 Nobody. 112 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,317 As I was saying, it's an estate sale, 113 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,487 And the owner is motivated to move fast. 114 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,089 So what do you think? 115 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,925 Well, it'll need a little work. 116 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,860 ID? 117 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,695 No. 118 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,797 I mean who's the stiff, captain? 119 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,665 Crazy Vinny, the used car king. 120 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,500 Crazy Vinny? 121 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,767 I bought a car from that guy. 122 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,011 Harry! 123 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,846 Harry! 124 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,615 Harry! 125 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:31,284 Harry, we got to stop this psychotic, whoever he is. 126 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:32,185 We'll get him, Cap. 127 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,654 We're the police. 128 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,889 Protecting people is what we're all about. 129 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,025 I knew I could rely on you, Harry. 130 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:44,331 You're the best cop on... that's my Harry. 131 00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,081 HARRY (VOICEOVER): You know, I'm not such a bad guy. 132 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,717 I like people, and they like me. 133 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,552 FEMALE SPEAKER: Pig! 134 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:07,487 HARRY (VOICEOVER): Great tits. 135 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:08,488 Nice kitten. 136 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,990 [Meowing] 137 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,960 HARRY (VOICEOVER): Oh, bummer. 138 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,428 [Soft music] 139 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,421 Hey, Bo, how's it going? 140 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,856 Hey, Harry, what's going on? 141 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,524 Hey, how's the wife? 142 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,325 Donut? 143 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,628 No, no thanks. 144 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:48,596 Any mail for me today? 145 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,363 Yeah, you got something here. 146 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,833 A couple death threats, hate mail. 147 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,067 Nice. 148 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,703 Somebody sent this package, too, and it's ticking. 149 00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,370 Did you order a watch? 150 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,839 I don't think so. 151 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,774 Hey, Harry, I heard you got a new partner. 152 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,075 Yeah. 153 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,677 How long is that schmuck going to last? 154 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:04,612 I don't know. 155 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,213 Seems real smart. 156 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,014 You could tell? 157 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:10,951 Uh oh. 158 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,952 What's wrong? 159 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,621 Jehovah witnesses in the back. 160 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:14,421 Cover me! 161 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,379 Can't you remember to keep the damn door closed? 162 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,420 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): Hey, this is Sally. 163 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,790 I've been thinking about it, and I'm just not ready for marriage 164 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:50,758 Yet. See you later. 165 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,359 Bye. 166 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:53,060 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): 167 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,361 This is Debbie, Harry. 168 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,763 I've discussed it with the other members of my divorce 169 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,030 Recovery workshop. 170 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,966 We all agree... you're a creep. 171 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,267 Goodbye. 172 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,468 MALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): 173 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,236 Harry, this is Captain Hook. 174 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,504 Arr, Captain Hook. 175 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,139 MALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): Shut up, Harry. 176 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,208 I want you to know that we found some interesting clues t 177 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,677 The scene after you left. 178 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,846 This could be the break that we're looking for. 179 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,715 I wonder where the killer is going to strike next. 180 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,016 MALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): 181 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,117 A reliable source told us it will be a bowling alley. 182 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:22,155 Now get back down here before I kick your ass. 183 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,090 Red light, you idiot! 184 00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:32,532 Where do you want the hookers? 185 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,566 Book them down the hall. 186 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,980 No, the eyes were much bigger. 187 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,415 They were much bigger than that. 188 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,650 And the nose, the nose was bigger, too. 189 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:51,484 Ah, yes! 190 00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,285 That's him! 191 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,253 That's him! 192 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,054 Freeze! 193 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,527 So what are all these new clues the captain was talking about? 194 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,362 Someone found some hairs under the bed. 195 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,296 Any pictures? 196 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,037 Very nice. 197 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,604 I've got to tell you, Dick, none of these clues 198 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,572 Make any sense to me. 199 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:24,785 300 calories. 200 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,523 Look like you're losing a few pounds. 201 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:31,324 Working out? 202 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,659 Not since the incident. 203 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,062 I'll tell you, Harry. 204 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,364 We've been partners, what, two weeks now? 205 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,399 And I am your best friend. 206 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,768 I've got to tell you... That was the worst 207 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,770 Thing that ever happened to anybody, much less 208 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:43,570 All those nuns. 209 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,973 Oh, it was horrible. 210 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,107 Wife holding up OK? 211 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,210 She committed suicide last month. 212 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,211 That's right. 213 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,579 I think I read about that someplace. 214 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,117 How are the kids taking it? 215 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,919 I don't think we had any. 216 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,054 Bates, Smoker. 217 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,990 I want you guys to know something. 218 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,058 You're the best officers I ever had. 219 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,027 I love you guys. 220 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,428 Really, I do. 221 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:13,133 But sometimes, you got to get up off your butts and get out here 222 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,003 And... oh. 223 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:22,910 Needs a little something. 224 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,358 Now that's what I call a cocktail. 225 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,759 You're a good cop, Harry. 226 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,628 A damn good cop. 227 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,530 I've never been closer with anyone in my life 228 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,464 Than I am with you. 229 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,199 But you've got to put that family 230 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,268 Tragedy in the past, man. 231 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,204 Concentrate on the future. 232 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,807 You've got so much to live for. 233 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:54,842 How's the wife? 234 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,343 She's dead. 235 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,311 How do you tell the difference? 236 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,080 So what are these new clues? 237 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,949 I got them here somewhere. 238 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,350 Ah, here they are. 239 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,685 Let me see that. 240 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,521 Long, leggy blonde seeks older, wealthy gent. 241 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,489 Wrong pocket. 242 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,727 We got this out of Diorama's coat pocket. 243 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:15,996 What is it? 244 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:16,997 Wedding invitation. 245 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:17,797 Let's go. 246 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,901 All right! 247 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:21,869 What are you doing? 248 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:22,669 Stake out. 249 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:23,803 Dick, get the coleslaw. 250 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:24,604 Sorry. 251 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,278 [Tires screeching] 252 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:34,614 Jerk. 253 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:46,459 Are you with the bride? 254 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:47,260 No, I'm with Dick. 255 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,195 No, no, no. 256 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:49,296 For the wedding. 257 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:50,563 Are you on the bride's side or the groom's? 258 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,365 Who invited Vinny Diorama? 259 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,333 The used car king. 260 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,134 I bought a car from you. 261 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,568 Hey, hey, back off, punk! 262 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,369 So did I! 263 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:01,774 That's not Vinny. 264 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,076 Vinny is dead. 265 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,777 I feel much better now. 266 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:05,879 Thank you. 267 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:06,679 Walk with me. 268 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:24,932 Where's the booze? 269 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,034 It's flowing like mud around here. 270 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,206 Are you blind? 271 00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:42,849 Why is it I always meet the girl 272 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,418 Of my dreams at her wedding? 273 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,787 You know I met my old wife at a wedding? 274 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,222 Who was she marrying? 275 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,524 Oh, me, come to think of it. 276 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,426 You know, I read her the only religious passage 277 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,362 I knew... her Miranda rights. 278 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,998 Boy, our marriage was like one long conjugal visit. 279 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,233 Take the fucking rocks out of your ears. 280 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,534 Baby, that's the priest. 281 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,517 [Music playing] 282 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,789 I'm just getting warmed up. 283 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,227 I'm just getting started. 284 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,135 There's fire under that dress. 285 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:38,905 Tits! 286 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,547 I smell turkey. 287 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,858 Lyle designed the wedding cake. 288 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:02,862 He's an aspiring architect. 289 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,831 It's only a circle. 290 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,066 Yeah. 291 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,402 Well, like I said, he's perspiring. 292 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,638 By the way, what happens to that cute guy with the pager? 293 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:12,605 It's about time. 294 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,706 I ordered that drink a half hour ago. 295 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,542 Get me some h'ordeuvres. 296 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,809 I don't believe we've been introduced. 297 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,045 I'm... Harry Bates. 298 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,346 Pleased, detective. 299 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,847 How did you know my... 300 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,715 I was in that 711 that was getting robbed. 301 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,017 Oh, when I shot all those people. 302 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:24,951 The first time. 303 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:25,918 Oh. 304 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,787 You know, you're lucky to be alive. 305 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,056 - Did you ever find the robbers? - No. 306 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,357 But someone is serving time, so you can 307 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,991 At least be thankful for that. 308 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,493 [Clears throat] 309 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:34,861 Oh, lozenge? 310 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:35,995 Oh. 311 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,531 I'm sorry, this is my partner, Dick Smoker. 312 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,468 It was a lovely ceremony, Mrs. Beaverhyphenshots. 313 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,170 Montana, please. 314 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,473 It was a Montana ceremony, Mrs. Beaverhyphenshots. 315 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,341 The hyphen is silent. 316 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,542 You shouldn't try to hide it. 317 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,178 You should be very proud to still have your hyphen 318 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:51,978 On your wedding day. 319 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,846 Not many women do. 320 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,482 What brings you two to my wedding? 321 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,449 Not an invitation, certainly. 322 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,618 A car. 323 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,320 Why are you here? 324 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,954 Police business, I'm afraid. 325 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,256 You're afraid of police business? 326 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,057 But you're detectives. 327 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:08,495 Is this your house? 328 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,329 Yes. 329 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,463 How long have you lived here? 330 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,631 Since I moved in. 331 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,266 And what about Lyle? 332 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,701 He came with the place. 333 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,136 Have you known him long? 334 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,171 Well, detective, I've known men a lot longer. 335 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,038 Oh, really? 336 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:22,942 Men like Vinny Diorama? 337 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:23,743 Sure. 338 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,512 I know Vinny 339 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,979 You mean you knew him? 340 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:27,914 Knew him? 341 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,316 Vinny is dead. 342 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,250 Dead? 343 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,451 That's right, dead. 344 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,652 So why don't you just cut the crap, get you coat, 345 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,321 Tell your guests goodbye, come down to the station 346 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,388 And sign a confession. 347 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,725 Do us all a favor. 348 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,628 And if I don't? 349 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,830 Harry will start shooting your guests. 350 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:47,066 I'm in a 711 state of mind. 351 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,301 Yeah. OK. 352 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,269 Let me get my things. 353 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,410 Harry. 354 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,846 This girl is it, I just know it. 355 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:00,780 I'm your biggest fan. 356 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,882 I've had bigger. 357 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,352 So boys, who's first on the agenda? 358 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,586 Well, let me check my notes. 359 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,259 [Howling] 360 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,631 Mind if I have a candy bar? 361 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,273 There's no eating int he interrogation room. 362 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,240 So what are you going to do? 363 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,309 Arrest me for chocolate? 364 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,277 Can we do that? 365 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,747 Want some, Harry? 366 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,948 I'm on a diet. 367 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:37,250 It's got nuts. 368 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:40,019 And you know how you like Nuts, Harry. 369 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,989 Because of that trip you took with your family to the park 370 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:47,194 When you were a small boy, and a man in a dog costume 371 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:51,264 Offered you a handful of nuts if you would take him for a walk. 372 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,666 But he got hit by a car. 373 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,134 Didn't he, Harry? 374 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,172 Do you remember how sad you were that day, Harry? 375 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,074 And how your mother beat you for crying 376 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,910 And took your own dog to the pound just 377 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:04,944 To teach you a lesson? 378 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,217 How did you know this? 379 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,318 How does she know this? 380 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,685 Nobody knew about that dog except my mommy. 381 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:13,520 All right. 382 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,188 Who gave her my personal file? 383 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,356 Could've been anybody, Harry. 384 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,891 You've told everybody about that damn dog. 385 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:19,959 That's right, Harry. 386 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,328 And you know everyone in the department 387 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:22,762 Pretty much despises you. 388 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,498 Would you like to make love to me, Harry? 389 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,067 You've like a virgin inside, and I'm 390 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:32,272 Anxious to let go like never before in wave after wave 391 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,241 Of cascading ecstasy. 392 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,342 Like a waterfall. 393 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,310 God, I've got to take a piss. 394 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,545 No. 395 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:42,982 Like a ship being ripped broadside by a big torpedo. 396 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,017 Is there anymore of that candy bar left? 397 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,519 Now, Mrs. Beaver-Shots... 398 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,320 Montana. 399 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,088 Whatever. 400 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,723 Did you kill Vinny Diorama? 401 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,792 Would I be here if I killed Vinny? 402 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:53,693 Actually, yes. 403 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,462 This is a police station, and is, 404 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:56,963 In fact, where we bring people we 405 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,665 Suspect of committing homicide. 406 00:19:58,765 --> 00:19:59,999 Am I a suspect? 407 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,569 Is the president a pot smoking, womanizing, draft dodger? 408 00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,637 Is a tax hike regressive? 409 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,072 Got another candy bar? 410 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,540 I'm saving it or Harry. 411 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,123 You were seen with Vinny earlier 412 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,625 At the Heaven's Gate nightclub. 413 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,927 And you were seen with him entering his house. 414 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:30,897 A neighbor in a wheelchair saw you through his rear window 415 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,533 Tie Vinny to the bed and hack him to bits. 416 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,134 And you were seen leaving his house 417 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,337 With a blood drenched chainsaw. 418 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,206 Now, Mrs. Beaver-Shots, do you really expect us to believe 419 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,275 You didn't kill Vinny Diorama? 420 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,711 Inquiring minds want to know. 421 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,679 Boy, she's tough. 422 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,180 We've got to release her. 423 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,517 I'll tail her, pump her for information. 424 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:51,518 Tail her, pump her. 425 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,219 Tail her, pump her. 426 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,722 Tail her, pump her. 427 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,756 She's hiding something. 428 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,626 I just know it. 429 00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:01,894 You sure you don't want any, Harry? 430 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,496 I'm on a diet. 431 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:04,297 I'm not. 432 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,269 We don't have enough to hold her, Harry. 433 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,838 You're like a son to me. 434 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,473 Make us proud of you, boy. 435 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,376 Not like the last time. 436 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:17,677 Bring back photos. 437 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,146 Why don't you give me a ride home, Mr. Bates? 438 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,621 Hey. 439 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:29,622 Hi, guy. 440 00:21:38,197 --> 00:21:41,568 Oh, hi, guy. 441 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:45,071 Nice seeing you again. 442 00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,038 Oh, hey. 443 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,039 Oh, thanks, Henry. 444 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,541 I missed you. 445 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,076 I sure did. 446 00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:51,444 Well, I guess you know all the guys. 447 00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:52,945 I support my local police. 448 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,447 Oh, that's nice. 449 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,422 Thanks for the ride, Harry. 450 00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:08,428 [Horn honking] 451 00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:13,199 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. 452 00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,968 Kimball, report to prosthesis. 453 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:20,106 Dr. Fellatio, report to ENT. 454 00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:23,410 Dr. Kimball, report to prosthetics. 455 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:27,880 Doctors Mclntyre, Pearson, and [inaudible], report to makeup. 456 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:28,848 Montana. 457 00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,782 Montana. 458 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:30,750 Montana. 459 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,152 Can you hear me? 460 00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:35,922 I can't see you. 461 00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:36,723 You're all blurry. 462 00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:44,864 That should do it. 463 00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:46,566 How do you feel now, Mrs. Beaver-Shots? 464 00:22:49,402 --> 00:22:51,137 A little stiff. 465 00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:52,104 No, that's me. 466 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,205 MALE SPEAKER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): 467 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:56,142 Dr. Lingus, called OB/GYN. 468 00:22:56,242 --> 00:22:59,378 Well, looks like we won't be needing this anymore. 469 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:00,212 Where am I? 470 00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:01,013 Earth. 471 00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:02,649 Third planet from the sun. 472 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,984 She's worse off than we thought. 473 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:06,318 What happened? 474 00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:07,920 You were hit by a car. 475 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:09,989 Driven by your husband. 476 00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:11,791 I was fired. 477 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:13,660 That's too bad, dear. 478 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,294 We're down to our last $50. 479 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,696 What? 480 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:18,598 Looks like we're going to have to go Las Vegas 481 00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:21,468 And gamble our entire life saving so I 482 00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:23,703 Can get enough money to build a dream house. 483 00:23:23,803 --> 00:23:25,137 That will show the entire my world 484 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:29,609 I'm not a complete idiot, but the world's greatest architect! 485 00:23:29,709 --> 00:23:30,743 But enough about me. 486 00:23:30,843 --> 00:23:32,011 How do you feel about my plan? 487 00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:33,112 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. 488 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,714 Huxtable, your jello is ready. 489 00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:36,348 What's wrong with me, Doctor? 490 00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:37,149 Don't tell her. 491 00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,384 Don't tell her. 492 00:23:38,485 --> 00:23:39,619 Whatever you do, don't tell her. 493 00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:42,321 Everything is fine, dear. 494 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,656 Will she be OK? 495 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,324 You mean like I'm OK, you're OK? 496 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,494 Well, he's a real loser OK? 497 00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,629 Hard to tell about Mrs. Beaver-Shots. 498 00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:51,631 We did take some x-rays. 499 00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:53,232 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. Fleischman, 500 00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:54,501 Call your agent. 501 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:55,702 What's it look like? 502 00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:59,606 She's either a Cocker Spaniel or a blowfish. 503 00:23:59,706 --> 00:24:03,643 Either way, it looks like she swallowed a ball. 504 00:24:03,743 --> 00:24:05,578 Can you take more tests? 505 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,814 I went to medical school eight years, detective. 506 00:24:07,914 --> 00:24:09,816 I don't need anymore tests. 507 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:10,783 Doctor! 508 00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:11,751 Come, quick! 509 00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:12,719 In a moment, nurse. 510 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:13,886 In a moment. 511 00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:15,287 Doctor, isn't there anything else you can do? 512 00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:17,023 Well, I juggle, but I don't think that's going 513 00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:18,224 To help in this case. 514 00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:19,926 Matter of fact, nothing is until we find out who's 515 00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:21,360 Going to pay our medical bills. 516 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,362 If you don't, Doc, I'd like to ask Montana a few questions. 517 00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,665 And what are you, a malpractice attorney? 518 00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:26,599 Doctor, are you coming? 519 00:24:26,699 --> 00:24:27,600 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. 520 00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:29,702 Green, your codependent jumped. 521 00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:31,303 Now, Montana, back at the station, 522 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:33,673 We were discussing Vinny Diorama. 523 00:24:33,773 --> 00:24:35,141 I remember. 524 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:36,442 You were there. 525 00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:37,343 And you were there. 526 00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:41,548 And so were you. 527 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:42,414 That's right. 528 00:24:42,515 --> 00:24:43,750 Now, you said you knew him? 529 00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:44,917 Then I said I knew him. 530 00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,152 He's dead. 531 00:24:46,252 --> 00:24:48,020 He was dead then, too. 532 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,556 How did it happen? 533 00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:51,591 Exploding headache. 534 00:24:51,691 --> 00:24:53,025 Did you know him well? 535 00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:55,728 I bought a car from him a few weeks ago. 536 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:58,230 And that's all? 537 00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:01,534 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. Welby, your patient died. 538 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:05,838 Well, yes. 539 00:25:05,938 --> 00:25:08,708 That's all. 540 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:10,242 Are you still in possession of the car? 541 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:11,077 No. 542 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,012 Her sister Dakota has the car. 543 00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:16,315 My twin half step sister once removed, actually. 544 00:25:16,415 --> 00:25:18,818 Like we say in the Beaver house, a horse is a horse. 545 00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:20,486 Of course, of course. 546 00:25:20,587 --> 00:25:25,892 Well, where is this twin half sister twice removed? 547 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:26,893 Thanks, partner. 548 00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:27,860 No problem. 549 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,829 Is she single? 550 00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:31,263 She'll be here shortly. 551 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,266 She has an appointment with her gynecologist this afternoon. 552 00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:37,236 Her schedule has been tight, but she has a small opening, 553 00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:39,271 So it shouldn't take that long. 554 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:40,807 My heart, my heart! 555 00:25:40,907 --> 00:25:41,808 Oh, no, no. 556 00:25:41,908 --> 00:25:43,209 That's just my pager. Come on, Dick. 557 00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:44,476 We've got a meeting at 8:00. 558 00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:52,719 FEMALE SPEAKER (ON INTERCOM): Dr. Quinn, 559 00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:53,886 Your show has been cancelled. 560 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:58,457 Dr. Gannon, lose the clogs. 561 00:25:58,557 --> 00:25:59,726 So party 201? 562 00:25:59,826 --> 00:26:02,795 Oh, yeah. 563 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,196 - Extras. - She is. 564 00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:05,031 I'm not. 565 00:26:05,131 --> 00:26:06,866 I'm Dakota, Montana's sister. 566 00:26:06,966 --> 00:26:09,335 Her flight came in late today, wrote me out of the last scene. 567 00:26:12,371 --> 00:26:14,273 [Piano music] 568 00:26:22,214 --> 00:26:23,049 Great play. 569 00:26:23,149 --> 00:26:24,817 William Shakespeare? 570 00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:26,385 Story of my life. 571 00:26:26,485 --> 00:26:28,187 So why are we here, Doctor? 572 00:26:28,287 --> 00:26:31,791 Well, that is just truly remarkable, my good man. 573 00:26:31,891 --> 00:26:34,927 All this time, I have operated under the assumption 574 00:26:35,027 --> 00:26:37,263 That you were an idiot. 575 00:26:37,363 --> 00:26:40,332 Yet all the while, you have contemplated 576 00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:43,569 As have I the age old questions of human existence. 577 00:26:43,670 --> 00:26:47,740 Where are we going, where are we from, and why are we here? 578 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,108 Yeah. 579 00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:52,679 Why are we here when I could be at the monster truck pools. 580 00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,714 Well, let me tell you why we're here. 581 00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:56,983 You see, there's a little situation 582 00:26:57,083 --> 00:27:00,787 Developing here that's turned out to be a real problem. 583 00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:04,056 You don't have any health insurance. 584 00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:05,858 He's right, Lyle. 585 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,126 What are we going to do? 586 00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:10,129 Well, I could cut off his head and pickle it, 587 00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:13,299 Sell it to the circus as a sideshow. 588 00:27:13,399 --> 00:27:14,967 Don't worry, Montana. 589 00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:17,236 We may not have any money, but we've got love. 590 00:27:17,336 --> 00:27:19,038 And love is all need. 591 00:27:19,138 --> 00:27:20,873 Love is all you need? 592 00:27:20,973 --> 00:27:22,775 Love is all you need. 593 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:24,443 Love is all you need. 594 00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:25,377 Yeah, she loves you. 595 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:26,913 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 596 00:27:27,013 --> 00:27:28,347 And I don't care much for money. 597 00:27:28,447 --> 00:27:30,416 Because money can't buy me love. 598 00:27:30,516 --> 00:27:31,550 Look. 599 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,320 I don't want to alarm you to any great degree, 600 00:27:34,420 --> 00:27:35,755 But I have come to the conclusion 601 00:27:35,855 --> 00:27:37,589 That you don't have the money to pay me. 602 00:27:37,690 --> 00:27:40,626 Now, this leaves us with very few options... one of which, 603 00:27:40,727 --> 00:27:42,528 Of course, is a visit to your house 604 00:27:42,628 --> 00:27:47,266 From Dr. D. Dr. Kevorkian. 605 00:27:47,366 --> 00:27:48,234 Oh, Montana. 606 00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:49,869 I'm such a loser. 607 00:27:49,969 --> 00:27:51,938 What are we ever going to do? 608 00:27:52,038 --> 00:27:55,775 Well, let me throw out this hypothetical possibility 609 00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:59,678 For you which could solve all your financial problems. 610 00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:01,447 Well, as long as it's decent. 611 00:28:04,416 --> 00:28:07,954 What if I were to present to you a mutually agreeable sum 612 00:28:08,054 --> 00:28:12,825 Of money which would entitle me to have my way with your wife 613 00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:15,561 For one entire night? 614 00:28:15,661 --> 00:28:17,864 Are you serious? 615 00:28:17,964 --> 00:28:18,931 As a heart attack. 616 00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:19,799 Lyle, please. 617 00:28:19,899 --> 00:28:21,067 I'm a professional. 618 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,870 I operate under the strictest code of moral ethics. 619 00:28:23,970 --> 00:28:29,075 I was merely presenting to you a hypothetical situation, a what 620 00:28:29,175 --> 00:28:36,182 If, what if, what if, what if. 621 00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:37,116 I don't know. 622 00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:39,886 I mean, she is my wife. 623 00:28:39,986 --> 00:28:42,654 What's in it for me? 624 00:28:42,755 --> 00:28:44,991 60/40 split with the hospital. 625 00:28:45,091 --> 00:28:45,958 Come on, Lyle. 626 00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:46,893 What do you say? 627 00:28:46,993 --> 00:28:47,894 Be a sport. 628 00:28:47,994 --> 00:28:49,896 After all, the kind of money we're 629 00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:52,331 Talking about here if wisely invested 630 00:28:52,431 --> 00:28:55,401 Could last a very, very long time. 631 00:28:55,501 --> 00:28:57,503 Whereas one night of sex with your wife 632 00:28:57,603 --> 00:29:05,077 Is, after all, one night of passionate, hot, steamy sex 633 00:29:05,177 --> 00:29:08,680 With your wife. 634 00:29:08,781 --> 00:29:10,482 I get the 60? 635 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:11,650 All right, Lyle. 636 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,052 You drive a hard bargain. 637 00:29:13,152 --> 00:29:16,055 50-50 and I'll even bring her back with her clothes 638 00:29:16,155 --> 00:29:18,958 On having eaten breakfast. 639 00:29:19,058 --> 00:29:19,826 Can I watch? 640 00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:23,095 I like to watch. 641 00:29:23,195 --> 00:29:26,432 Beggars can not be voyeurs. 642 00:29:26,532 --> 00:29:28,367 I don't know. 643 00:29:28,467 --> 00:29:29,836 It might ruin our relationship. 644 00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:31,237 Oh, come on, kid. 645 00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:34,640 A healthy sexual congress between two consenting adults 646 00:29:34,740 --> 00:29:40,579 Is a profoundly beautiful movie experience. 647 00:29:40,679 --> 00:29:43,449 Provided, of course, the husband of one 648 00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:44,917 Is not a down-on-his-luck architect 649 00:29:45,017 --> 00:29:48,087 With the brain of a gnat. 650 00:29:48,187 --> 00:29:51,423 OK, but only if Montana agrees. 651 00:29:55,227 --> 00:29:57,063 You really mean it, Lyle? 652 00:29:57,163 --> 00:29:58,164 Oh, I do love you. 653 00:29:58,264 --> 00:29:59,431 And we do need the money. 654 00:29:59,531 --> 00:30:01,868 And it was you who ran me over with the car. 655 00:30:01,968 --> 00:30:03,870 I promise you I won't enjoy it, OK? 656 00:30:03,970 --> 00:30:05,872 And I'll think of you the whole time. 657 00:30:05,972 --> 00:30:08,274 Now, just take your time. 658 00:30:08,374 --> 00:30:09,741 I'll do it. 659 00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:10,809 Nobody is forcing you. 660 00:30:10,910 --> 00:30:12,178 I'll do it. 661 00:30:12,278 --> 00:30:14,146 Whatever you decide, it's OK with me. 662 00:30:14,246 --> 00:30:16,448 I'll do it. 663 00:30:16,548 --> 00:30:18,985 So we got a deal. 664 00:30:19,085 --> 00:30:20,186 No so fast. 665 00:30:20,286 --> 00:30:22,554 Neumeyer, Montana's agent. 666 00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:23,956 An agent? 667 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:25,757 Just need to iron out a few particulars here. 668 00:30:25,858 --> 00:30:28,494 No big deal. 669 00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:29,628 Whoa. 670 00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,431 Now Doc, are we talking basic one night stand, 671 00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:34,066 Or are we talking series here? 672 00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,001 No, no. 673 00:30:35,101 --> 00:30:36,335 I'm just thinking a little music, 674 00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:38,404 A little more candlelights, and heavy 675 00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:39,638 Foreplay, and a lot of sex. 676 00:30:39,738 --> 00:30:40,606 Great, Doc. 677 00:30:40,706 --> 00:30:41,773 You do know foreplay is extra, right? 678 00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:42,641 No way. 679 00:30:42,741 --> 00:30:44,176 It's part of the deal. Oh, no. 680 00:30:44,276 --> 00:30:45,044 It's always extra. 681 00:30:45,144 --> 00:30:46,212 We got a deal? 682 00:30:46,312 --> 00:30:47,213 How much? 683 00:30:52,985 --> 00:30:54,153 A million bucks. 684 00:30:54,253 --> 00:30:55,187 A million bucks! 685 00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:57,156 I don't carry that kind of cash around. 686 00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:58,891 Well, what sort of figure do you have in mind? 687 00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:00,592 Well, let's see what I have here. 688 00:31:04,130 --> 00:31:05,097 All right. 689 00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,398 $38. 690 00:31:06,498 --> 00:31:08,500 Half a mil, take it or leave it. 691 00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:17,809 OK, OK, you can have $58. 692 00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:20,212 100 grand, and that's as low as I'll go. 693 00:31:20,312 --> 00:31:25,952 All right, all right. $68.52. 694 00:31:26,052 --> 00:31:26,752 Deal. 695 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,496 It was the best I could do. 696 00:31:40,766 --> 00:31:42,801 He was ruthless. 697 00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:44,003 But we'll get him on the sequel. 698 00:31:46,872 --> 00:31:49,541 TV REPORTER: Still no break from the serial chainsaw murders. 699 00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:52,945 Police are baffled by the rash of homicides. 700 00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:58,884 And police spokesman Dick Smoker had only this to say. 701 00:31:58,985 --> 00:31:59,851 Harry! 702 00:31:59,952 --> 00:32:00,852 Harry! 703 00:32:00,953 --> 00:32:02,721 Would you like to give a statement? 704 00:32:08,127 --> 00:32:10,462 We are conducting an ongoing investigation. 705 00:32:10,562 --> 00:32:11,697 That's right. 706 00:32:11,797 --> 00:32:18,070 There is no suspect in police custody at this time. 707 00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:20,939 No further comment. 708 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,409 All right, back off! 709 00:32:23,509 --> 00:32:24,410 Back off! 710 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:31,417 That's right. 711 00:32:31,517 --> 00:32:34,220 The complete set of fortune cookies and [inaudible] 712 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,323 Are just in $19.95 this hour. 713 00:32:37,423 --> 00:32:38,857 Coming up, we have a... 714 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,092 My friend, you're probably wondering 715 00:32:40,192 --> 00:32:41,793 How to become rich like Don Wu. 716 00:32:41,893 --> 00:32:43,862 Well, my friend, I'll tell you... There are three letter words. 717 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:45,297 Three letter words that make you successful 718 00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:47,466 Like Don Wu, my friend. 719 00:32:47,566 --> 00:32:49,801 Sell your family. 720 00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:50,936 When I first come to this country, 721 00:32:51,037 --> 00:32:52,438 I have 50 brother and sister, my friend. 722 00:32:52,538 --> 00:32:54,473 I sell them all off for scientific experiments, 723 00:32:54,573 --> 00:32:56,575 And I'm able to profit, profit, profit. 724 00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:59,011 I'm able to [inaudible] bikini [inaudible] and bimbos. 725 00:32:59,111 --> 00:32:59,978 Of course, they're beautiful. 726 00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:01,347 I paid top dollar for them. 727 00:33:01,447 --> 00:33:02,681 Yeah. 728 00:33:02,781 --> 00:33:03,415 When I first come to this country, people tell me, Don, 729 00:33:03,515 --> 00:33:04,250 You're crazy, man. 730 00:33:04,350 --> 00:33:05,051 Look at you. 731 00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:05,984 You're a poor immigrant. 732 00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:07,353 You don't speak English very well. 733 00:33:07,453 --> 00:33:09,488 You've got beady little eyes. 734 00:33:09,588 --> 00:33:11,590 You've got big fat lip, and you're obnoxious asshole. 735 00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,892 I tell them to fuck off. 736 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,394 That's two word, my friend. Yeah. 737 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:17,063 You know why the reason why they say those things? 738 00:33:17,163 --> 00:33:19,931 You want to know why they talk like that to Don Wu? 739 00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:22,168 You have to come to the seminar. 740 00:33:22,268 --> 00:33:24,203 Welcome to another episode of "Incredibly" 741 00:33:24,303 --> 00:33:25,737 Unbelievable Ideas." 742 00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:27,106 I'm your host Marty Haskle. 743 00:33:27,206 --> 00:33:29,308 And you know, folks, I've seen a lot 744 00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:31,510 Of incredible, unbelievable ideas in my time. 745 00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:34,713 But today, we are going to meet the man who has cornered 746 00:33:34,813 --> 00:33:36,782 The market on bad taste. 747 00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:39,685 Ladies and gents, I give you Lyle Shots. 748 00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:50,196 Hi, Lyle, and welcome to "Incredibly" 749 00:33:50,296 --> 00:33:51,630 Unbelievable Ideas," the show where 750 00:33:51,730 --> 00:33:53,099 People buy almost anything. 751 00:33:53,199 --> 00:33:55,033 [Applause] 752 00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,638 Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big, 753 00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:03,008 Incredibly unbelievable welcome to Montana Beaver-Shots. 754 00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,943 [Applause] 755 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,449 So Lyle, tell me... How do you intend 756 00:34:10,549 --> 00:34:13,252 To get these good but simple people to part 757 00:34:13,352 --> 00:34:14,986 With their hard-earned money? 758 00:34:15,087 --> 00:34:16,455 Isn't my wife beautiful? 759 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,257 She's lovely, yes. 760 00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:20,292 She's the kind of woman that men dream about when 761 00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,493 Their wives turn them down. 762 00:34:21,593 --> 00:34:23,195 Audience, let me ask you... how much would 763 00:34:23,295 --> 00:34:24,730 You pay to sleep with my wife? 764 00:34:24,830 --> 00:34:26,465 $1 million? 765 00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:27,566 Sure, if you're a billionaire. 766 00:34:27,666 --> 00:34:29,935 But most of us don't have that kind of money. 767 00:34:30,035 --> 00:34:32,504 Am I right? 768 00:34:32,604 --> 00:34:34,606 So how much would you pay? 769 00:34:34,706 --> 00:34:36,708 Half a million, $100,000? 770 00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:37,943 If you smoke Cuban cigars. 771 00:34:38,043 --> 00:34:40,946 But I don't, and neither do you. 772 00:34:41,046 --> 00:34:43,349 Montana, show these people what you can do. 773 00:34:58,564 --> 00:34:59,765 So what do you think, folks? 774 00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:01,300 $149? 775 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,203 You could buy a nice set of knives or maybe 776 00:35:04,303 --> 00:35:05,904 A food dehydrator for that. 777 00:35:06,004 --> 00:35:07,639 But let me tell you something. 778 00:35:07,739 --> 00:35:10,342 Right now, it's not going to cost you that. 779 00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:12,511 It's not going to cost you the price of the two 780 00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:16,582 Carat diamonique or the unbelievable Engine 781 00:35:16,682 --> 00:35:19,418 Attitude and car wax. 782 00:35:19,518 --> 00:35:21,086 This stuff really works. 783 00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,455 Or the Amazing Oven. 784 00:35:23,555 --> 00:35:24,856 That's right, men. 785 00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,393 Right now, and for a limited time only, 786 00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:29,461 If you call the number on your screen, 787 00:35:29,561 --> 00:35:31,330 You can sleep with my wife. 788 00:35:31,430 --> 00:35:32,464 That's right. 789 00:35:32,564 --> 00:35:34,666 You can commit adultery with a beautiful woman 790 00:35:34,766 --> 00:35:39,505 For the incredibly low TV offer price of $59.95. 791 00:35:39,605 --> 00:35:41,807 Offer not available where prohibited by law. 792 00:35:41,907 --> 00:35:43,409 So what are you waiting for? 793 00:35:43,509 --> 00:35:46,778 Call 1-900-DO-MY-WIFE. 794 00:35:46,878 --> 00:35:49,615 That's 1-900-DO-MY-WIFE. 795 00:35:49,715 --> 00:35:52,584 Call now before he comes to his senses. 796 00:35:52,684 --> 00:35:55,153 Operators are standing by right now to take your call. 797 00:35:55,254 --> 00:35:56,622 And so am I. 798 00:35:56,722 --> 00:35:59,057 [Applause] 799 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:05,931 [Knocking] 800 00:36:06,031 --> 00:36:07,233 Who is it? 801 00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:08,734 FEMALE SPEAKER: A free gift for the lady of the house, 802 00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,803 Courtesy of Growgaine, makers of Woman Oxodile, 803 00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:13,505 A revolutionary new product that gives 804 00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:15,641 Every woman that big hair look. 805 00:36:15,741 --> 00:36:17,276 Free gift, come on in. 806 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,557 There is no lady of the house, is there? 807 00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:32,758 She died recently. 808 00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:34,393 That's what I heard. 809 00:36:34,493 --> 00:36:35,727 You pushed her over the edge. 810 00:36:35,827 --> 00:36:38,697 I read about it in the newspaper. 811 00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:43,469 Oh, where did this dog... Oh, what a friendly dog. 812 00:36:49,241 --> 00:36:51,310 Gee whiz, you must be allergic. 813 00:36:51,410 --> 00:36:52,478 Hey, hey, hey... Come on, come on. 814 00:36:52,578 --> 00:36:53,845 Leave her alone. Leave her alone. 815 00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:54,846 Get back to your corner. 816 00:36:54,946 --> 00:36:55,747 Hey, lay down. 817 00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:56,515 Lay down. 818 00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:57,349 Here. 819 00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:58,149 Try this. 820 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:03,088 That stuff really works. 821 00:37:03,188 --> 00:37:03,889 What is it? 822 00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:04,690 [Inaudible] spray. 823 00:37:23,208 --> 00:37:24,610 You must be a lonely guy. 824 00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:26,645 I like my privacy. 825 00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:28,847 Looks like you get a lot of it, too. 826 00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:30,882 Why are you trying to nail my sister? 827 00:37:30,982 --> 00:37:32,551 Only if she leaves her husband. 828 00:37:32,651 --> 00:37:35,020 I'm talking about the murder. 829 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,254 What do you know about that? 830 00:37:36,355 --> 00:37:38,990 There's more than one way to skin a cat. 831 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,191 Sharp knife works best. 832 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:42,260 Especially around the paws. 833 00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:43,228 I get the picture. 834 00:37:43,329 --> 00:37:44,162 Look straight at the camera. 835 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:44,963 Don't smile, Ms. Beaver. 836 00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:48,567 Where's Montana? 837 00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:49,968 She's with my psychiatrist. 838 00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:52,538 They're having an affair. 839 00:37:52,638 --> 00:37:56,174 So do you think I'm pretty? 840 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:58,477 Sure, you're pretty. 841 00:37:58,577 --> 00:37:59,778 I'm not too fat, am I? 842 00:37:59,878 --> 00:38:01,947 Of course not. 843 00:38:02,047 --> 00:38:03,415 You like my hair? 844 00:38:03,515 --> 00:38:06,385 It's... big. 845 00:38:06,485 --> 00:38:08,987 If there's anything you'd change about me, 846 00:38:09,087 --> 00:38:10,456 What would it be? 847 00:38:10,556 --> 00:38:11,457 Well... 848 00:38:11,557 --> 00:38:12,257 Go ahead. 849 00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:14,493 You can tell me. 850 00:38:14,593 --> 00:38:17,563 You have such beautiful blonde hair. 851 00:38:17,663 --> 00:38:19,531 Why [inaudible]? 852 00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:21,500 Montana killed our parents, you know. 853 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,969 She said to meet her at a bar called Heaven's Gate. 854 00:38:24,069 --> 00:38:25,537 She's crazy. 855 00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:28,139 Why are you seeing a psychiatrist? 856 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:29,541 I'm not. 857 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:30,476 You said you were. 858 00:38:30,576 --> 00:38:31,276 I was. 859 00:38:31,377 --> 00:38:33,111 But I'm better now. 860 00:38:33,211 --> 00:38:34,580 I can see that. 861 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,483 I hate her. 862 00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:40,051 Let's make love. 863 00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:41,019 Oh, Harry. 864 00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:42,020 I want you. 865 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,857 What's the name of your psychiatrist? 866 00:38:45,957 --> 00:38:47,292 Dr. Hasselblad. 867 00:38:47,393 --> 00:38:48,760 Whoa, look at the time. 868 00:38:48,860 --> 00:38:49,795 Got to go. 869 00:38:49,895 --> 00:38:52,931 I'll tell you what... You feed the dog, 870 00:38:53,031 --> 00:38:54,800 And I'll be back Wednesday. 871 00:39:01,139 --> 00:39:03,208 Well, I think it actually started 872 00:39:03,308 --> 00:39:04,510 With my great great grandfather. 873 00:39:04,610 --> 00:39:06,978 He was a shipbuilder. 874 00:39:07,078 --> 00:39:08,146 He built the Titanic. 875 00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:10,916 And well, it really wasn't his fault. I mean, 876 00:39:11,016 --> 00:39:12,851 Who would have figured there would've been an iceberg 877 00:39:12,951 --> 00:39:14,119 Out there? 878 00:39:14,219 --> 00:39:15,587 What do you want on your pizza? 879 00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:16,922 Sausage and pepperoni? 880 00:39:17,022 --> 00:39:21,259 I think last year when I got the job with the LA County, 881 00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:22,461 I was... Hi, Captain. 882 00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:23,595 Yeah, this is Jerry. 883 00:39:23,695 --> 00:39:25,263 I'd like a sausage and pepperoni pizza, please. 884 00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:26,565 I don't know the address. 885 00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:28,567 Just trace the call. 886 00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:31,069 So I understand you're the Beaver's psychiatrist. 887 00:39:31,169 --> 00:39:32,638 Why do you ask? 888 00:39:32,738 --> 00:39:34,673 Just answer the question. 889 00:39:34,773 --> 00:39:36,675 Funny you should say that. 890 00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:39,077 Well, we can take it downtown if you'd like. 891 00:39:39,177 --> 00:39:39,945 Is that so? 892 00:39:40,045 --> 00:39:40,746 Yeah. 893 00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:41,547 Damn right. 894 00:39:41,647 --> 00:39:43,348 I've got a gun. 895 00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,183 How does that make you feel? 896 00:39:45,283 --> 00:39:46,051 Empowered. 897 00:39:46,151 --> 00:39:48,353 Breakaway overpasses. 898 00:39:48,454 --> 00:39:49,488 Put them ll around LA. 899 00:39:49,588 --> 00:39:50,856 It's a great idea. 900 00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,624 Do you have health insurance? 901 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:53,759 As a matter of fact... 902 00:39:53,859 --> 00:39:54,560 Oh, no. 903 00:39:54,660 --> 00:39:55,994 We're talking about you. 904 00:39:56,094 --> 00:39:57,362 Oh. 905 00:39:57,463 --> 00:39:59,531 I have a degree from Harvard. 906 00:39:59,631 --> 00:40:01,800 I did my graduate work at Yale. 907 00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:05,303 I completed a six-month course of psychiatric study in Vienna. 908 00:40:05,403 --> 00:40:06,472 Oh, I love those little sausages. 909 00:40:06,572 --> 00:40:09,841 I served out my residency at Walter Reed, 910 00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:13,044 And then was an intern at John Hopkins. 911 00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:17,916 I'm licensed to practice medicine in 16 states. 912 00:40:18,016 --> 00:40:19,985 I serve on the board of directors 913 00:40:20,085 --> 00:40:22,954 For four major hospitals. 914 00:40:23,054 --> 00:40:25,924 I teach psychiatry UCSF. 915 00:40:26,024 --> 00:40:30,562 I have a thriving private practice with 7,000 patients. 916 00:40:30,662 --> 00:40:33,364 Does that include suicide victims? 917 00:40:33,465 --> 00:40:35,667 I was Mr. Universe twice. 918 00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:38,403 My daugther sells more cookies than anyone 919 00:40:38,504 --> 00:40:40,071 In her girl scouts troop. 920 00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:43,809 And I completed three fire arcs with Tony Robbins. 921 00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:47,479 In short, Mr. Bates, I am god. 922 00:40:47,579 --> 00:40:48,346 Amen. 923 00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,348 Now about Dakota Beaver. 924 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,416 What about her? 925 00:40:51,517 --> 00:40:53,384 Is she homicidal? 926 00:40:53,485 --> 00:40:54,319 Like her sister? 927 00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,320 Of course not. 928 00:40:55,420 --> 00:40:57,723 What about her? 929 00:40:57,823 --> 00:41:01,459 Her sister... what pictures I have of her. 930 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:02,494 All in here, you understand. 931 00:41:06,097 --> 00:41:08,967 Do you sleep with my patients? 932 00:41:09,067 --> 00:41:13,404 Or they're personal friends or close relatives, Mr. Bates? 933 00:41:13,505 --> 00:41:15,306 How do you know my name? 934 00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:18,176 Montana talked about you. 935 00:41:18,276 --> 00:41:20,145 She has a very rich fantasy life, 936 00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:23,715 And you figure most prominently in it. 937 00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:26,417 Please go on. 938 00:41:26,518 --> 00:41:28,053 I can tell you nothing that would violate 939 00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:30,055 The patient's confidentiality. 940 00:41:30,155 --> 00:41:33,725 Even if I threatened to shoot you? 941 00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:35,160 What do you want to know? 942 00:41:35,260 --> 00:41:38,764 Why don't you tell me more about Montana Dakota? 943 00:41:38,864 --> 00:41:41,600 Mr. Bates. 944 00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:45,704 As you surely realize by now, there's only one. 945 00:41:45,804 --> 00:41:50,676 Montana and Dakota are actually a third person we call Amanda. 946 00:41:50,776 --> 00:41:52,778 She doesn't really exist. 947 00:41:52,878 --> 00:41:59,350 She suffers from multiple, multiple personality disorder. 948 00:41:59,450 --> 00:42:01,920 How many personalities? 949 00:42:02,020 --> 00:42:02,888 More than a handful. 950 00:42:02,988 --> 00:42:03,722 Ah, of course. 951 00:42:03,822 --> 00:42:05,423 What a waste. 952 00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:08,093 Have you seen them both? 953 00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:09,561 I am her doctor. 954 00:42:09,661 --> 00:42:11,529 They look completely different. 955 00:42:11,630 --> 00:42:15,967 But I have never seen them together in the same room. 956 00:42:16,067 --> 00:42:17,803 That is the key to the whole mystery. 957 00:42:17,903 --> 00:42:20,371 What are you, nuts? 958 00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:21,707 Why do you ask? 959 00:42:21,807 --> 00:42:22,507 Oh, I don't know. 960 00:42:22,608 --> 00:42:25,110 Just a feeling I have. 961 00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:28,580 Try to get in touch with your feelings. 962 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,015 I've said too much. 963 00:42:30,115 --> 00:42:30,816 I'm not a therapist. 964 00:42:30,916 --> 00:42:32,050 I'm a psychiatrist. 965 00:42:32,150 --> 00:42:32,984 I shouldn't do this. 966 00:42:35,921 --> 00:42:38,657 So what about Dakota? 967 00:42:38,757 --> 00:42:40,191 You want to sleep with one? 968 00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:46,131 Sleep Montana, not her sister. 969 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:47,132 Why? 970 00:42:47,232 --> 00:42:50,235 She's got bigger tits, stupid. 971 00:42:50,335 --> 00:42:52,103 Boy, this has been real fun. 972 00:42:52,203 --> 00:42:55,440 That's my dream... an inverted pyramid put on end, 973 00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,208 Sort of wobbly, back and forth. 974 00:42:57,308 --> 00:43:00,245 If I could just figure out how to get the damn thing 975 00:43:00,345 --> 00:43:02,648 From falling over. 976 00:43:02,748 --> 00:43:04,282 Time's up. 977 00:43:04,382 --> 00:43:06,785 I will see you next week. 978 00:43:06,885 --> 00:43:08,086 We are making progress. 979 00:44:04,943 --> 00:44:09,314 What's a four letter word for woman that ends in UNT? 980 00:44:09,414 --> 00:44:11,516 Aunt, A-U-N-T. 981 00:44:11,616 --> 00:44:12,317 That works. 982 00:44:12,417 --> 00:44:13,551 Got an eraser? 983 00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:15,320 What can I get you today, boys? 984 00:44:15,420 --> 00:44:17,388 No boys for me today, thanks. 985 00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:18,924 - Dick? - Got one. 986 00:44:19,024 --> 00:44:19,758 Harry? 987 00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:20,792 Not today. 988 00:44:20,892 --> 00:44:22,527 So what did you find with that address? 989 00:44:22,627 --> 00:44:24,730 Well, found a house. 990 00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:25,997 I knew it! 991 00:44:26,097 --> 00:44:28,533 This is the break we need! 992 00:44:28,633 --> 00:44:31,870 What are you looking at? 993 00:44:31,970 --> 00:44:34,973 You think the house had anything to do with these murders? 994 00:44:35,073 --> 00:44:36,708 Off the record? 995 00:44:36,808 --> 00:44:39,110 Sure. 996 00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:41,446 I don't think the house had anything to do with it. 997 00:44:41,546 --> 00:44:42,280 Why? 998 00:44:42,380 --> 00:44:43,581 Houses don't kill people, Cap. 999 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:44,382 People kill people. 1000 00:44:44,482 --> 00:44:46,117 But god damn it, boy. 1001 00:44:46,217 --> 00:44:47,585 People live in houses! 1002 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:48,887 Animals kill people, too. 1003 00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:50,155 Dick is right. 1004 00:44:50,255 --> 00:44:51,322 Look at Katherine the Great. 1005 00:44:51,422 --> 00:44:53,391 She was killed by a horse, you know. 1006 00:44:53,491 --> 00:44:54,425 Oh, Lorena. 1007 00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:55,460 Hot dog. 1008 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,795 [Inaudible] with a rope coming down, 1009 00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:59,430 And he caught around the horse's tail and yanked it up 1010 00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:04,335 In the air and came down and... [inaudible] 1011 00:45:04,435 --> 00:45:06,171 Reminds me of an idea. 1012 00:45:06,271 --> 00:45:07,105 All right, all right, fine. 1013 00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:08,173 What do we do now? 1014 00:45:08,273 --> 00:45:10,475 Well, last night, I sat down and mapped out 1015 00:45:10,575 --> 00:45:13,178 The exact location of each of these murders. 1016 00:45:13,278 --> 00:45:14,279 What did you find? 1017 00:45:14,379 --> 00:45:16,782 Well, Harry, I found out I'm a lonely man. 1018 00:45:16,882 --> 00:45:19,050 A lonely, lonely man. 1019 00:45:19,150 --> 00:45:19,851 And the map? 1020 00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:20,986 I've got it at home. 1021 00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,720 Come on by if you want to have a look at it. 1022 00:45:22,821 --> 00:45:24,222 Whoa, look at the time. 1023 00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:25,056 We'll be in touch. 1024 00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:26,057 Well, it's pretty interesting. 1025 00:45:26,157 --> 00:45:26,958 I'm sure it is. 1026 00:45:30,395 --> 00:45:33,031 [Phone ringing] 1027 00:45:33,131 --> 00:45:33,865 Hello? 1028 00:45:33,965 --> 00:45:35,433 I was just thinking about you. 1029 00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:36,534 What are you doing? 1030 00:45:36,634 --> 00:45:38,369 What are you wearing? 1031 00:45:38,469 --> 00:45:39,404 Why don't you come on over? 1032 00:45:39,504 --> 00:45:41,639 I've got a new 45 I want you to hear. 1033 00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:42,774 Get a day job. 1034 00:45:45,777 --> 00:45:46,477 Official business. 1035 00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:47,278 Police dispatch. 1036 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,956 Got it. Game's afoot. 1037 00:45:58,056 --> 00:45:58,890 There's been another murder. 1038 00:46:08,633 --> 00:46:09,634 What is this? 1039 00:46:09,734 --> 00:46:11,069 Come on, move it! 1040 00:46:11,169 --> 00:46:12,503 Get out of the way! 1041 00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:14,772 Don't play with radio, Dick. 1042 00:46:14,873 --> 00:46:16,241 Oh, that's it. 1043 00:46:20,245 --> 00:46:22,113 I'll teach this clown how to drive. 1044 00:46:25,951 --> 00:46:26,651 Oh, fuck you. 1045 00:46:31,556 --> 00:46:32,390 You know something? 1046 00:46:32,490 --> 00:46:33,424 I really like this girl. 1047 00:46:33,524 --> 00:46:35,260 Gee, I hope she's not a mass murderer. 1048 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:39,764 I think we could settle down and live happily ever after. 1049 00:46:39,865 --> 00:46:41,166 20 years there. 1050 00:46:41,266 --> 00:46:46,704 20 years on the force, and all I got was this stupid T-shirt. 1051 00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,173 Dahmer, time of death? 1052 00:46:48,273 --> 00:46:49,374 4:57 PM. 1053 00:46:58,716 --> 00:47:00,151 Good morning, captain. 1054 00:47:00,251 --> 00:47:00,952 Oh, Patricia. 1055 00:47:01,052 --> 00:47:02,720 Glad you're here. 1056 00:47:02,820 --> 00:47:05,456 Dick, Harry, this is Dr. Patricia 1057 00:47:05,556 --> 00:47:07,058 Martin, the department... 1058 00:47:07,158 --> 00:47:08,894 Department psychologist. 1059 00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:10,295 What are you doing here? 1060 00:47:10,395 --> 00:47:11,696 Here's my suspect's shrink. 1061 00:47:11,796 --> 00:47:13,531 It's good to see you again, Harry. 1062 00:47:13,631 --> 00:47:15,633 The pleasure's all mine. 1063 00:47:15,733 --> 00:47:17,035 It always was. 1064 00:47:17,135 --> 00:47:19,237 So where's the body? 1065 00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:20,705 Oh, in my trunk, right where you left it. 1066 00:47:20,805 --> 00:47:22,073 I meant Dr. Hasselblad. 1067 00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:23,174 He's in there. 1068 00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:26,077 The priest is administering the last rights. 1069 00:47:36,387 --> 00:47:37,388 So what do you think? 1070 00:47:37,488 --> 00:47:39,857 Multiple murders like this are very rare. 1071 00:47:39,958 --> 00:47:41,059 Why? 1072 00:47:41,159 --> 00:47:44,162 Well, for one thing, they don't happen very often. 1073 00:47:44,262 --> 00:47:45,897 [Inaudible] damn luck. 1074 00:47:45,997 --> 00:47:47,665 Cause been established? 1075 00:47:47,765 --> 00:47:49,100 Well, here's what I think happened. 1076 00:47:52,037 --> 00:47:54,005 First, they did this. 1077 00:47:57,608 --> 00:48:00,011 Then, after about a minute, they switched. 1078 00:48:00,111 --> 00:48:02,013 She used her body as a weapon. 1079 00:48:02,113 --> 00:48:03,781 Oh boy. 1080 00:48:03,881 --> 00:48:05,383 That's right. 1081 00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,252 How are you feeling, Harry? 1082 00:48:07,352 --> 00:48:08,186 A little tired. 1083 00:48:08,286 --> 00:48:11,056 The constant bouncing of lush, ripe 1084 00:48:11,156 --> 00:48:12,991 Breasts against his sternum started 1085 00:48:13,091 --> 00:48:14,459 His heart beating irregularly. 1086 00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,894 Combine that with high blood pressure. 1087 00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:21,766 She broke his little heart in a million pieces. 1088 00:48:21,866 --> 00:48:25,503 Then she chopped him up. 1089 00:48:25,603 --> 00:48:27,205 Look. 1090 00:48:27,305 --> 00:48:28,873 I want to show you something. You don't need to. 1091 00:48:28,974 --> 00:48:29,941 That's fine. Over here. 1092 00:48:33,211 --> 00:48:35,446 Stay away from that woman, Harry. 1093 00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:36,247 She's dangerous. 1094 00:48:36,347 --> 00:48:37,215 I don't know. 1095 00:48:37,315 --> 00:48:39,184 She seems perfectly normal to me. 1096 00:48:39,284 --> 00:48:41,519 She is suffering from a very rare condition. 1097 00:48:41,619 --> 00:48:42,487 How rare? 1098 00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:44,522 She's the only one who has it. 1099 00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:45,890 It? 1100 00:48:45,991 --> 00:48:50,028 Your killer is suffering from Patricia syndrome by proxy. 1101 00:48:50,128 --> 00:48:51,396 Patricia syndrome? 1102 00:48:51,496 --> 00:48:54,432 Sometimes, women who are named Patricia only 1103 00:48:54,532 --> 00:48:56,634 Want to be called Patricia. 1104 00:48:56,734 --> 00:49:01,339 Not Pat, Trish, or even Patty... Which in comparison to others 1105 00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:03,374 Really isn't so bad. 1106 00:49:03,474 --> 00:49:07,345 My father called me that, and look how I turned out. 1107 00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:12,217 Now, when a Patricia is called anything other than a Patricia, 1108 00:49:12,317 --> 00:49:16,221 Most of them will simply correct the person who was at fault 1109 00:49:16,321 --> 00:49:18,156 And go about their daily lives. 1110 00:49:18,256 --> 00:49:21,592 But when a woman is suffering from Patricia syndrome, 1111 00:49:21,692 --> 00:49:26,497 She can experience periods of uncontrollable anger. 1112 00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:28,466 And hack people to death with chainsaws? 1113 00:49:28,566 --> 00:49:31,436 Exactly. 1114 00:49:31,536 --> 00:49:33,871 Are you sure? 1115 00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:35,206 No sweat. 1116 00:49:35,306 --> 00:49:36,574 Well, that's all fine and dandy, Doctor, 1117 00:49:36,674 --> 00:49:38,943 But you're forgetting one important thing. 1118 00:49:39,044 --> 00:49:41,079 None of our suspects are named Patricia. 1119 00:49:41,179 --> 00:49:42,447 I know. 1120 00:49:42,547 --> 00:49:45,216 That's why this woman is suffering from the Patricia 1121 00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:46,717 Syndrome by proxy. 1122 00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:49,187 Patricia syndrome by proxy. 1123 00:49:49,287 --> 00:49:50,455 Right. 1124 00:49:50,555 --> 00:49:53,324 I'm guessing that at one time, our killer knew someone 1125 00:49:53,424 --> 00:49:55,060 By the name of Patricia. 1126 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,728 Perhaps she had a fixation on her. 1127 00:49:57,828 --> 00:50:01,066 Perhaps they were intimate. 1128 00:50:01,166 --> 00:50:02,033 How intimate? 1129 00:50:05,970 --> 00:50:10,741 We both picked the same numbers and won the lottery once. 1130 00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:13,744 And when we went down to pick up our prize, 1131 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:16,514 She developed this really big crush on me. 1132 00:50:16,614 --> 00:50:18,883 And we became lovers. 1133 00:50:18,983 --> 00:50:21,252 Look, it was only once, and I didn't enjoy it. 1134 00:50:21,352 --> 00:50:22,787 Yeah, right. 1135 00:50:22,887 --> 00:50:25,256 She used to walk up and down the street 1136 00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:28,426 Saying my name... Patricia. 1137 00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,994 You wouldn't be interested in getting together 1138 00:50:30,095 --> 00:50:31,796 With her again with me there? 1139 00:50:31,896 --> 00:50:34,432 Or me? 1140 00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:37,235 Have you come across any other signs which 1141 00:50:37,335 --> 00:50:40,405 You might consider unusual? 1142 00:50:40,505 --> 00:50:47,478 Well, one of our boys at the crime lab found this. 1143 00:50:47,578 --> 00:50:50,014 But that's as far as he went. 1144 00:50:50,115 --> 00:50:51,282 I see. 1145 00:50:51,382 --> 00:50:54,051 All the other victims were found with a green scarf? 1146 00:50:54,152 --> 00:50:55,253 That's very good. 1147 00:50:55,353 --> 00:50:58,223 So if the doctor's body has a green scarf with it, 1148 00:50:58,323 --> 00:51:01,659 Then the Patricia syndrome by proxy is all it could be. 1149 00:51:01,759 --> 00:51:03,861 That will kill the smell. 1150 00:51:03,961 --> 00:51:05,996 Here, you my need this. 1151 00:51:06,097 --> 00:51:06,797 Thank you. 1152 00:51:14,472 --> 00:51:15,540 That's got bite. 1153 00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:16,341 Here you go, Dick. 1154 00:51:21,712 --> 00:51:22,947 [Inaudible]. 1155 00:51:23,047 --> 00:51:25,650 Sorry, Captain, that's mine. 1156 00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:27,017 Well... 1157 00:51:27,118 --> 00:51:30,421 The victim has been dismembered except for the extremities. 1158 00:51:30,521 --> 00:51:31,922 No sign of struggle. 1159 00:51:32,022 --> 00:51:33,924 Victim wore polyester. 1160 00:51:34,024 --> 00:51:36,394 Victim never asked for directions. 1161 00:51:36,494 --> 00:51:38,396 Victim was afraid of commitment. 1162 00:51:38,496 --> 00:51:41,366 Victim put his inner child up for adoption. 1163 00:51:41,466 --> 00:51:43,868 Victim thought foreplay was a golf tournament. 1164 00:51:43,968 --> 00:51:46,337 Victim left the toilet seat up. 1165 00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,307 Nothing else seems peculiar. 1166 00:51:49,407 --> 00:51:51,842 Stop. 1167 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:53,010 What is it? 1168 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,412 There's something in his mouth. 1169 00:51:54,512 --> 00:51:56,347 Tweezers. 1170 00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:57,148 Tweezers. 1171 00:51:57,248 --> 00:51:58,048 I'll take those. 1172 00:52:07,258 --> 00:52:07,958 Gold. 1173 00:52:10,695 --> 00:52:11,562 Wait, there's something else. 1174 00:52:17,602 --> 00:52:19,304 I guess that's just the tongue. 1175 00:52:19,404 --> 00:52:20,104 Well, wait. 1176 00:52:43,994 --> 00:52:45,863 [Phone ringing] 1177 00:52:48,399 --> 00:52:49,434 Hi, Mr. Bates. 1178 00:52:49,534 --> 00:52:50,701 This is Marty Hascal. 1179 00:52:50,801 --> 00:52:52,036 How you doing? 1180 00:52:52,136 --> 00:52:54,104 I'm calling for the county firefighters. 1181 00:52:54,205 --> 00:52:56,106 As you might already know, it's that time of year 1182 00:52:56,207 --> 00:52:58,543 Again when the firefighters have to swallow 1183 00:52:58,643 --> 00:53:01,379 Their pride a little bit and ask for your support. 1184 00:53:01,479 --> 00:53:03,681 This year's benefit show will be Pozzy Traction, 1185 00:53:03,781 --> 00:53:06,984 The exciting heavy metal band from San Francisco, 1186 00:53:07,084 --> 00:53:09,687 Including some clowns and jugglers for the opening act. 1187 00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:13,458 Your tax deductible contribution will be greatly appreciated 1188 00:53:13,558 --> 00:53:17,194 For only $20, you can take your entire family out and see 1189 00:53:17,295 --> 00:53:18,796 The fun and entertainment. 1190 00:53:18,896 --> 00:53:21,165 Or you can sponsor some disadvantaged kids 1191 00:53:21,266 --> 00:53:23,133 To go in your place. 1192 00:53:23,234 --> 00:53:23,934 OK. 1193 00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,035 So let me get this straight. 1194 00:53:25,135 --> 00:53:26,604 I give you $20, and you give me a picture 1195 00:53:26,704 --> 00:53:27,805 Of the junkie I'm supporting. 1196 00:53:27,905 --> 00:53:29,073 Oh, sounds good. 1197 00:53:29,173 --> 00:53:32,076 So someone's going to come by and pick up the check? 1198 00:53:32,176 --> 00:53:33,411 Cash? 1199 00:53:33,511 --> 00:53:35,313 Leave it under the doormat and we'll pick it up tonight. 1200 00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:36,113 Pick up the cash, OK. 1201 00:53:36,213 --> 00:53:37,315 And you are? 1202 00:53:37,415 --> 00:53:38,349 Mr. Smith. 1203 00:53:38,449 --> 00:53:39,450 Thanks for your support. 1204 00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:40,251 OK. 1205 00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:41,519 Well, thank you. All right. 1206 00:53:41,619 --> 00:53:42,353 Bye bye. 1207 00:53:47,325 --> 00:53:48,493 Where is Dr. Hasselblad? 1208 00:53:48,593 --> 00:53:49,694 He's dead, Dakota. 1209 00:53:49,794 --> 00:53:50,861 Your doctor is dead. 1210 00:53:50,961 --> 00:53:51,662 I know. 1211 00:53:51,762 --> 00:53:53,664 It's just getting better. 1212 00:53:53,764 --> 00:53:56,667 So you want to make love? 1213 00:54:32,269 --> 00:54:33,404 Hi. 1214 00:54:33,504 --> 00:54:35,606 I've been waiting here all by my lonesome. 1215 00:54:35,706 --> 00:54:36,407 Can I come in? 1216 00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:05,169 Where's your sister? 1217 00:55:05,269 --> 00:55:06,036 What sister? 1218 00:55:06,136 --> 00:55:06,837 Dakota. 1219 00:55:06,937 --> 00:55:08,873 Dakota? 1220 00:55:08,973 --> 00:55:11,409 I have a sister named Dakota? 1221 00:55:11,509 --> 00:55:14,979 That's news to me, not to mention my parents, 1222 00:55:15,079 --> 00:55:16,747 My real sister, Patricia. 1223 00:55:16,847 --> 00:55:20,951 Well, your parents died in a horrible fiery plane crash 1224 00:55:21,051 --> 00:55:28,459 And Patricia is the psychologist who won the lottery. 1225 00:55:28,559 --> 00:55:30,395 Dakota told you that? 1226 00:55:30,495 --> 00:55:32,363 She's such a kidder. 1227 00:55:32,463 --> 00:55:33,964 What else did Dakota tell you? 1228 00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:36,634 That you were sleeping with her psychiatrist. 1229 00:55:36,734 --> 00:55:38,002 He's dead. 1230 00:55:38,102 --> 00:55:40,337 Let me fix you a drink. 1231 00:55:40,438 --> 00:55:42,039 Do you think I killed him? 1232 00:55:45,042 --> 00:55:49,814 I don't really know you all that well. 1233 00:55:49,914 --> 00:55:51,849 Would you like to get to know me better, Mr. Bates? 1234 00:55:55,753 --> 00:55:58,623 I'd like that. 1235 00:55:58,723 --> 00:56:00,124 Hungry? 1236 00:56:00,224 --> 00:56:01,125 Uh huh. 1237 00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:07,998 Is that man dead? 1238 00:56:08,098 --> 00:56:08,799 That's no man. 1239 00:56:08,899 --> 00:56:10,435 That's my husband. 1240 00:56:10,535 --> 00:56:11,802 He's just resting. 1241 00:56:11,902 --> 00:56:14,405 He looks dead. 1242 00:56:14,505 --> 00:56:15,205 No. 1243 00:56:15,305 --> 00:56:16,807 He's asleep. 1244 00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:19,977 He's been working very hard lately. 1245 00:56:20,077 --> 00:56:22,012 His eyes are open. 1246 00:56:22,112 --> 00:56:25,049 Those are contacts. 1247 00:56:25,149 --> 00:56:28,018 He's got a knife sticking out of his chest. 1248 00:56:28,118 --> 00:56:30,855 He's just trying to get attention. 1249 00:56:30,955 --> 00:56:32,523 Ignore him, please. 1250 00:56:32,623 --> 00:56:34,992 I think I better go have a look. 1251 00:56:38,028 --> 00:56:42,366 You know, I just love all these police things you do, Harry. 1252 00:56:42,467 --> 00:56:44,301 I want you so much. 1253 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,270 This is all wrong, though. 1254 00:56:46,370 --> 00:56:49,974 I mean, you're a cop and I'm the prime suspect 1255 00:56:50,074 --> 00:56:53,310 In six murder cases. 1256 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,713 Three. 1257 00:56:55,813 --> 00:56:58,449 Yeah, I just had a premonition. 1258 00:56:58,549 --> 00:57:01,819 You know, this just isn't going to work, Harry. 1259 00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:03,788 I mean, I'm looking for a long term relationship 1260 00:57:03,888 --> 00:57:05,956 In this stage of my life. 1261 00:57:06,056 --> 00:57:09,494 And I get the feeling that you're not ready for that kind 1262 00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:11,028 Of commitment. 1263 00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:12,897 Can I ask you a question, Harry? Sure. 1264 00:57:12,997 --> 00:57:14,298 Do you want children? [phone ringing] 1265 00:57:14,398 --> 00:57:15,265 Of course I want... 1266 00:57:15,365 --> 00:57:17,702 Excuse me. 1267 00:57:17,802 --> 00:57:19,637 Hello? 1268 00:57:19,737 --> 00:57:21,572 Yes. 1269 00:57:21,672 --> 00:57:23,373 You know, I'm sorry to cut this short. 1270 00:57:23,474 --> 00:57:24,975 But I'm the prize in the church raffle, 1271 00:57:25,075 --> 00:57:26,577 And a gorgeous young billionaire just won me. 1272 00:57:26,677 --> 00:57:27,377 See ya later. 1273 00:57:33,217 --> 00:57:35,586 MALE SPEAKER: Nicole, tell the waiter to get me one 1274 00:57:35,686 --> 00:57:38,623 Of those big ass steak knives. 1275 00:57:38,723 --> 00:57:40,825 We were heating up like two poodles in a microwave. 1276 00:57:40,925 --> 00:57:43,227 But Montana had to do her part for charity. 1277 00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:44,595 What a gal. 1278 00:57:44,695 --> 00:57:47,431 She's as honorable as my true blue steadfast partner Dick. 1279 00:58:13,090 --> 00:58:14,525 Dick, you've got class. 1280 00:58:14,625 --> 00:58:16,426 Would you like another banana? 1281 00:58:16,527 --> 00:58:18,829 I mean, Harry is just donut chops. 1282 00:58:18,929 --> 00:58:20,464 But you... 1283 00:58:20,565 --> 00:58:22,800 How is the world's greatest detective? 1284 00:58:22,900 --> 00:58:25,670 Well, Harry and I are just friends. 1285 00:58:25,770 --> 00:58:28,505 I mean, we have this understanding. 1286 00:58:28,606 --> 00:58:31,642 You look great in black. 1287 00:58:31,742 --> 00:58:33,077 I'm in mourning. 1288 00:58:36,046 --> 00:58:37,582 Why does everybody have to die? 1289 00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:44,388 Everybody around me is dead. 1290 00:58:44,488 --> 00:58:45,355 All dead. 1291 00:59:05,175 --> 00:59:06,977 I think somebody's about to page me. 1292 00:59:07,077 --> 00:59:08,445 I really should be by a phone. 1293 00:59:08,545 --> 00:59:10,347 I knew a guy once. 1294 00:59:10,447 --> 00:59:12,650 He drove a rental car through a crowded bus stop 1295 00:59:12,750 --> 00:59:18,188 And killed 16 people just for kicks. 1296 00:59:18,288 --> 00:59:19,189 I find that fascinating. 1297 00:59:19,289 --> 00:59:20,925 Don't you? 1298 00:59:21,025 --> 00:59:22,727 People can be very hard on rental cars. 1299 00:59:22,827 --> 00:59:23,761 Now, if you'll just excuse me... 1300 00:59:23,861 --> 00:59:24,561 No! 1301 00:59:24,662 --> 00:59:27,431 Don't go. 1302 00:59:27,531 --> 00:59:28,565 I find you very stimulating. 1303 00:59:28,666 --> 00:59:29,867 - Why me? - Why not? 1304 00:59:29,967 --> 00:59:30,901 You must get it all over town. 1305 00:59:31,001 --> 00:59:32,837 Well, it's not that I'm deprived, 1306 00:59:32,937 --> 00:59:34,839 But that I'm terribly depraved. 1307 00:59:34,939 --> 00:59:36,006 I don't know. 1308 00:59:36,106 --> 00:59:38,375 Harry is my best friend. 1309 00:59:38,475 --> 00:59:43,013 But even I don't like him very much. 1310 00:59:43,113 --> 00:59:44,081 I went out looking for Montana. 1311 00:59:47,251 --> 00:59:48,418 She wasn't at my neighbor's apartment. 1312 00:59:51,555 --> 00:59:52,890 [Screaming] 1313 00:59:59,496 --> 01:00:00,865 Where's my damn dog? 1314 01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:03,300 Someone stop the dog. 1315 01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:04,268 Oh, sorry. 1316 01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:06,436 Neighborhood watch, ever vigilant. 1317 01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:08,939 I'll be back. 1318 01:00:09,039 --> 01:00:11,408 [Dog barking] 1319 01:00:11,508 --> 01:00:13,878 [Gunshot] 1320 01:00:36,834 --> 01:00:37,935 You're out of control, Harry. 1321 01:00:38,035 --> 01:00:40,337 You've got some jelly on your face. 1322 01:00:40,437 --> 01:00:42,172 Rice cake? 1323 01:00:42,272 --> 01:00:42,973 No thanks. 1324 01:00:43,073 --> 01:00:44,108 Did I miss anything? 1325 01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:44,909 Just another homicide. 1326 01:00:47,812 --> 01:00:49,680 Oh. 1327 01:00:49,780 --> 01:00:50,981 Hey, you rough night? 1328 01:00:53,884 --> 01:00:57,755 Oh, send this tool sample to the lab. 1329 01:00:57,855 --> 01:00:58,789 What you got there, Dahmer? 1330 01:00:58,889 --> 01:00:59,690 Murder weapon. 1331 01:00:59,790 --> 01:01:01,191 You get any lately, Harry? 1332 01:01:16,673 --> 01:01:17,374 Lost a few pounds. 1333 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:22,512 Dahmer. 1334 01:01:22,612 --> 01:01:24,849 Take this to the lab for prints. 1335 01:01:24,949 --> 01:01:26,316 Where's the suspect, Harry? 1336 01:01:26,416 --> 01:01:29,353 It's time we picked her up for questioning. 1337 01:01:29,453 --> 01:01:31,555 Can't let her do it. 1338 01:01:31,655 --> 01:01:32,857 I can't let her go through with it. 1339 01:01:32,957 --> 01:01:33,824 I love her, Dick. 1340 01:01:33,924 --> 01:01:34,591 You hear me? 1341 01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:35,726 I love her. 1342 01:01:35,826 --> 01:01:36,693 Were you talking to me? 1343 01:01:36,794 --> 01:01:39,063 Were you talking to me? 1344 01:01:39,163 --> 01:01:41,966 No. 1345 01:01:42,066 --> 01:01:43,433 I think it's time we filled in the captain. 1346 01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,369 Good. Let's do that. 1347 01:01:45,469 --> 01:01:47,371 Dog gone that hay fever. 1348 01:01:57,447 --> 01:01:58,682 You what? 1349 01:01:58,783 --> 01:02:01,151 Captain, if you'll just let me explain... 1350 01:02:01,251 --> 01:02:04,054 Explain? 1351 01:02:04,154 --> 01:02:05,689 How do you explain this? 1352 01:02:05,790 --> 01:02:08,692 I told you already, there was nowhere else. 1353 01:02:08,793 --> 01:02:10,560 So you take my parking spot. 1354 01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:12,096 You got some nerve, Bates! 1355 01:02:12,196 --> 01:02:14,799 Will you forget about the parking spot already? 1356 01:02:14,899 --> 01:02:16,433 Now, what are we going to do about Montana? 1357 01:02:16,533 --> 01:02:17,467 What's to do? 1358 01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:18,836 We're placing her under surveillance. 1359 01:02:18,936 --> 01:02:19,636 Surveillance? 1360 01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:20,604 Yeah, he's leaving now. 1361 01:02:20,704 --> 01:02:22,206 Good luck, Surveillance. 1362 01:02:22,306 --> 01:02:23,007 Thank you. 1363 01:02:39,223 --> 01:02:39,957 Speak of the devil. 1364 01:02:59,443 --> 01:03:00,310 Hi there. 1365 01:03:00,410 --> 01:03:01,778 How are you doing? 1366 01:03:01,879 --> 01:03:02,746 What do you want? 1367 01:03:02,847 --> 01:03:03,747 You. 1368 01:03:03,848 --> 01:03:04,949 What? 1369 01:03:05,049 --> 01:03:06,817 I think that we should settle down, buy a house, 1370 01:03:06,917 --> 01:03:08,652 Make little rugrats. 1371 01:03:08,752 --> 01:03:09,586 Right. 1372 01:03:09,686 --> 01:03:11,455 Seriously. 1373 01:03:11,555 --> 01:03:14,591 I think we could have great kids. 1374 01:03:14,691 --> 01:03:15,926 I want to have three. 1375 01:03:16,026 --> 01:03:17,928 See, that way, if one turns out gay, you can disown him, 1376 01:03:18,028 --> 01:03:19,496 And you won't be left with an only child. 1377 01:03:19,596 --> 01:03:21,065 So what's a substantive guy like you 1378 01:03:21,165 --> 01:03:24,068 Doing in a place like this, anyway? 1379 01:03:24,168 --> 01:03:25,903 Montana left me. 1380 01:03:26,003 --> 01:03:27,304 Do you like these shoes? 1381 01:03:27,404 --> 01:03:28,738 Sure, they're nice. 1382 01:03:28,839 --> 01:03:30,740 Do you think my feet are too big? 1383 01:03:30,841 --> 01:03:31,741 No. 1384 01:03:31,842 --> 01:03:33,710 Do my ankles seem fat to you? 1385 01:03:33,810 --> 01:03:34,845 Of course not. 1386 01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:37,147 Let's get takeout and go back to your place. 1387 01:03:37,247 --> 01:03:39,183 Do you believe in past lives? 1388 01:03:39,283 --> 01:03:41,451 In my last one, I was a tarp. 1389 01:03:41,551 --> 01:03:42,786 That's great. 1390 01:03:42,887 --> 01:03:46,590 Let's get a bottle of wine and go back to your place. 1391 01:03:46,690 --> 01:03:50,394 You ever wanted to fire your gun in a credit school yard? 1392 01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:52,362 I love kids. 1393 01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:57,567 Why don't we get some oil and plastic sheet 1394 01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,136 And go back to your place? 1395 01:03:59,236 --> 01:04:04,208 I'm hearing voices, and they're telling me to kill you. 1396 01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:05,409 Look at the time. 1397 01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:09,346 Let's rent a movie and go back to your place. 1398 01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:10,814 Have you seen this one? 1399 01:04:10,915 --> 01:04:13,617 You know, I investigated the mysterious death of a critic 1400 01:04:13,717 --> 01:04:14,751 Who gave a bad review. 1401 01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:16,520 We found him with two thumbs stuck up his ass. 1402 01:04:26,763 --> 01:04:29,166 I can't seem to get them back together. 1403 01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:35,339 I'm hungry. 1404 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:36,706 Me, too. 1405 01:04:36,806 --> 01:04:40,077 Want me to call for a pizza? 1406 01:04:40,177 --> 01:04:43,480 Stay in bed all day. 1407 01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:46,783 Have... have you ever been married? 1408 01:04:46,883 --> 01:04:48,618 Yeah, just once. 1409 01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:50,387 But not for very long. 1410 01:04:50,487 --> 01:04:53,690 What happened? 1411 01:04:53,790 --> 01:04:56,693 There were a few problems we couldn't seem to work out. 1412 01:04:56,793 --> 01:04:57,494 Like what? 1413 01:05:02,933 --> 01:05:06,436 Well, [inaudible] down on the southbound train, 1414 01:05:06,536 --> 01:05:09,306 Leaving Boston at 4:00 o'clock, and I hopped on a bus heading 1415 01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:10,774 East at 55 miles an hour... 1416 01:05:10,874 --> 01:05:12,676 I... I get the point. 1417 01:05:16,113 --> 01:05:19,383 He died from eating poison mushrooms. 1418 01:05:19,483 --> 01:05:21,251 That's interesting. 1419 01:05:21,351 --> 01:05:24,054 So what do you want on the pizza? 1420 01:05:24,154 --> 01:05:24,854 Mushrooms. 1421 01:05:24,955 --> 01:05:25,855 But just on half. 1422 01:05:25,956 --> 01:05:26,623 You got it. 1423 01:05:38,935 --> 01:05:40,504 [Makes beeping noise] 1424 01:05:45,442 --> 01:05:47,811 [Burp] 1425 01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:52,249 [Burp] 1426 01:06:22,846 --> 01:06:24,714 Don't make a move. 1427 01:06:24,814 --> 01:06:25,782 What are you doing here? 1428 01:06:25,882 --> 01:06:26,783 I'm a cop. 1429 01:06:26,883 --> 01:06:28,185 My badge is in my pocket. 1430 01:06:28,285 --> 01:06:30,354 [Gunshot] 1431 01:06:30,454 --> 01:06:32,089 That was wonderful. 1432 01:06:32,189 --> 01:06:32,956 DICK: Harry. 1433 01:06:33,057 --> 01:06:34,724 I love a good pizza. 1434 01:06:34,824 --> 01:06:39,796 DICK: If you could call 911, I'd appreciate it. 1435 01:06:39,896 --> 01:06:40,997 Will you marry me? 1436 01:06:41,098 --> 01:06:43,067 DICK: The phone is on the night stand. 1437 01:06:43,167 --> 01:06:43,867 When? 1438 01:06:43,967 --> 01:06:44,668 DICK: Harry? 1439 01:06:44,768 --> 01:06:45,869 How about right now? 1440 01:06:45,969 --> 01:06:47,071 I know a delivery man for a Chinese restaurant. 1441 01:06:47,171 --> 01:06:48,105 He's also a Buddhist priest. 1442 01:06:48,205 --> 01:06:48,905 DICK: Harry? 1443 01:06:49,005 --> 01:06:50,107 But I don't you, Harry. 1444 01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:51,441 No. 1445 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:55,011 But I've got a dead wife, and you've got a dead husband, 1446 01:06:55,112 --> 01:06:57,914 And we both shop at Kmart. 1447 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,350 So what do you say? 1448 01:07:00,450 --> 01:07:01,585 I don't want to, Harry. 1449 01:07:01,685 --> 01:07:02,952 Why not? 1450 01:07:03,053 --> 01:07:04,721 Because I like you. 1451 01:07:04,821 --> 01:07:07,557 Well, I like you, too. 1452 01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:09,025 I love you, Dakota. 1453 01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:10,960 And I don't want to see you end up dead like everyone 1454 01:07:11,061 --> 01:07:12,462 Else in my life. 1455 01:07:12,562 --> 01:07:14,698 I'll get a bulletproof vest. 1456 01:07:14,798 --> 01:07:18,902 You don't have to go through that much trouble, Harry. 1457 01:07:19,002 --> 01:07:21,037 Tell me something. 1458 01:07:21,138 --> 01:07:23,773 How much life insurance do you carry? 1459 01:07:23,873 --> 01:07:26,710 $10,000, $15,000 through the force. 1460 01:07:26,810 --> 01:07:28,145 That's not very much. 1461 01:07:28,245 --> 01:07:29,713 I can get more. 1462 01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:30,780 On a cop's salary? 1463 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:31,715 I make tons of money. 1464 01:07:31,815 --> 01:07:33,883 I'm on the take. 1465 01:07:33,983 --> 01:07:35,185 The answer is yes, Harry. 1466 01:07:35,285 --> 01:07:36,820 I'll marry you. 1467 01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:37,821 This calls for a celebration. 1468 01:07:37,921 --> 01:07:38,955 You like Chinese food? 1469 01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:40,890 Love it! 1470 01:07:40,990 --> 01:07:43,493 And they lived happily ever after. 1471 01:07:43,593 --> 01:07:45,595 Dakota, you're so beautiful. 1472 01:07:45,695 --> 01:07:47,697 I'd marry you even if you were stupid. 1473 01:07:47,797 --> 01:07:49,733 Boy, you turn me on. 1474 01:07:57,207 --> 01:07:59,042 Oh no. 1475 01:07:59,143 --> 01:08:00,477 Ow! 1476 01:08:00,577 --> 01:08:02,246 Ow! 1477 01:08:02,346 --> 01:08:03,613 Pain! 1478 01:08:03,713 --> 01:08:05,315 You can stop any time now. 1479 01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:06,716 That's fine! 1480 01:08:06,816 --> 01:08:07,517 Oh boy. 1481 01:08:07,617 --> 01:08:08,752 Oh wow. 1482 01:08:08,852 --> 01:08:11,121 What's first aid for burns? 1483 01:08:11,221 --> 01:08:12,989 What, butter? 1484 01:08:13,089 --> 01:08:15,725 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1485 01:08:15,825 --> 01:08:16,560 OK. 1486 01:08:16,660 --> 01:08:17,361 That's fine. 1487 01:08:17,461 --> 01:08:18,628 That's good! 1488 01:08:18,728 --> 01:08:23,300 If you could just... ow... With that, I'd appreciate it. 1489 01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,235 [Screaming] 1490 01:08:29,206 --> 01:08:30,707 OK, everyone. 1491 01:08:30,807 --> 01:08:32,609 Get them up. 1492 01:08:32,709 --> 01:08:33,443 Hands only, please. 1493 01:08:36,413 --> 01:08:37,614 Take a look at this one. 1494 01:08:37,714 --> 01:08:39,883 Don't you look just like Harry Bates? 1495 01:08:39,983 --> 01:08:41,185 Sure does. 1496 01:08:41,285 --> 01:08:42,586 Go ahead, make the bed. 1497 01:08:42,686 --> 01:08:45,155 You're both under arrest. 1498 01:08:45,255 --> 01:08:47,391 What's the charge? 1499 01:08:47,491 --> 01:08:48,192 Murder. 1500 01:08:48,292 --> 01:08:50,194 He doesn't look dead to me. 1501 01:08:50,294 --> 01:08:52,496 What about this stiff in the other room? 1502 01:08:52,596 --> 01:08:53,463 Stiff? 1503 01:08:53,563 --> 01:08:54,898 In the other room? 1504 01:08:54,998 --> 01:08:56,366 That's right. 1505 01:08:56,466 --> 01:08:58,368 Some hysterical woman started calling 911, 1506 01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:00,370 And the dispatcher said that there was a murder, 1507 01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:01,771 And the body was right next door. 1508 01:09:01,871 --> 01:09:03,607 And here we are. 1509 01:09:03,707 --> 01:09:05,575 And there you are. 1510 01:09:05,675 --> 01:09:06,843 Found the victim's wallet yet? 1511 01:09:09,579 --> 01:09:11,415 Here's the suspect. 1512 01:09:11,515 --> 01:09:12,216 What do you know? 1513 01:09:12,316 --> 01:09:13,383 He stole Harry's wallet. 1514 01:09:20,424 --> 01:09:24,361 So which one of you is the cunning little runt? 1515 01:09:24,461 --> 01:09:27,130 Bates, quit clowning around and get back to work. 1516 01:09:27,231 --> 01:09:28,332 Who has the victim's wallet? 1517 01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:36,640 Bates? 1518 01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:39,676 You're out of uniform, Mister. 1519 01:09:39,776 --> 01:09:41,978 I oughta kick your ass. 1520 01:09:49,386 --> 01:09:50,954 You'll have to come with me, Miss. 1521 01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:51,888 Where? 1522 01:09:51,988 --> 01:09:53,557 We're going to take you downtown. 1523 01:09:53,657 --> 01:09:55,825 Gonna ask you a few questions. 1524 01:09:55,925 --> 01:09:57,527 Do you get along with your mother? 1525 01:09:57,627 --> 01:09:59,696 She died in a fiery plane crash. 1526 01:09:59,796 --> 01:10:02,131 Oh boy. 1527 01:10:02,232 --> 01:10:04,968 Harry, I don't want to go downtown. 1528 01:10:05,068 --> 01:10:06,436 Well, you have to, miss. 1529 01:10:06,536 --> 01:10:07,371 I'll go with you. 1530 01:10:07,471 --> 01:10:09,673 Oh, thank you, Harry. 1531 01:10:09,773 --> 01:10:10,907 I got to be at work, anyway. 1532 01:10:14,844 --> 01:10:16,112 HARRY (VOICEOVER): After the bars closed, 1533 01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,615 The captain decided it was time to take Dakota in. 1534 01:11:05,495 --> 01:11:08,264 No smoking in the interrogation room. 1535 01:11:08,365 --> 01:11:09,899 So what are you going to do? 1536 01:11:09,999 --> 01:11:10,834 Arrest me for smoking? 1537 01:11:13,937 --> 01:11:16,205 Want a hit? 1538 01:11:16,306 --> 01:11:18,742 It makes me hungry. 1539 01:11:18,842 --> 01:11:20,143 Too bad 1540 01:11:20,243 --> 01:11:35,725 Did you kill... hey, that's pretty good. 1541 01:11:35,825 --> 01:11:37,093 I can get you some. 1542 01:11:37,193 --> 01:11:42,666 So did you kill that guy... that dead guy at the crime scene? 1543 01:11:42,766 --> 01:11:45,168 What was his name? 1544 01:11:45,268 --> 01:11:47,837 Did somebody write down his name? 1545 01:11:47,937 --> 01:11:49,272 Mondale wrote it down. 1546 01:11:52,241 --> 01:11:56,513 Did you kill that guy... The guy at the crime 1547 01:11:56,613 --> 01:11:57,914 Scene, the dead one. 1548 01:11:58,014 --> 01:11:59,416 What was his name? 1549 01:11:59,516 --> 01:12:00,550 Did somebody get his name? 1550 01:12:00,650 --> 01:12:01,518 Somebody write his name down? 1551 01:12:11,395 --> 01:12:12,228 It's a boy! 1552 01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:13,029 Congratulations! 1553 01:12:18,668 --> 01:12:20,003 Now that's interesting. 1554 01:12:25,442 --> 01:12:27,777 Would you like to go for a cup of cappuccino 1555 01:12:27,877 --> 01:12:30,680 After this ordeal is over? 1556 01:12:30,780 --> 01:12:32,148 Just can't take it anymore. 1557 01:12:40,557 --> 01:12:42,426 HARRY (VOICEOVER): I tried to squeeze off a few rounds, 1558 01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:44,428 But someone was kidnapping Dakota. 1559 01:12:44,528 --> 01:12:45,629 Wait, come back! 1560 01:12:45,729 --> 01:12:47,063 HARRY (VOICEOVER): After the last parade shootout, 1561 01:12:47,163 --> 01:12:49,165 Internal Affairs told me not to kill anymore bystanders. 1562 01:12:49,265 --> 01:12:50,434 So I took off after her. 1563 01:12:50,534 --> 01:12:51,501 Him. Her. 1564 01:12:51,601 --> 01:12:52,301 Oh, whatever. 1565 01:13:04,814 --> 01:13:05,782 Yeah, you want to watch, right? 1566 01:13:05,882 --> 01:13:06,683 Well, watch this. 1567 01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:31,107 Mom? 1568 01:13:31,207 --> 01:13:32,041 Harry! 1569 01:13:32,141 --> 01:13:33,042 What are you doing here? 1570 01:13:33,142 --> 01:13:35,344 You know what kind of place this is? 1571 01:13:35,445 --> 01:13:37,246 What if dad finds out? 1572 01:13:37,346 --> 01:13:38,615 Harry. 1573 01:13:38,715 --> 01:13:42,285 There's something we both wanted to tell you for a long time. 1574 01:13:42,385 --> 01:13:45,288 Harry, your father is gay. 1575 01:13:45,388 --> 01:13:46,089 Come on, Mom. 1576 01:13:46,189 --> 01:13:47,090 Let's go. 1577 01:13:56,666 --> 01:13:57,567 Sis? 1578 01:13:57,667 --> 01:13:59,536 Harry, what are you doing here? 1579 01:14:06,109 --> 01:14:08,712 Ms. Landers, my third grade teacher? 1580 01:14:08,812 --> 01:14:09,679 A man! 1581 01:14:27,564 --> 01:14:28,998 HARRY (VOICEOVER): I had no motive, no suspect, 1582 01:14:29,098 --> 01:14:32,368 And the dead bodies were piling up like Presto [inaudible]. 1583 01:14:32,468 --> 01:14:33,469 Another one. 1584 01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:34,704 They were everywhere. 1585 01:14:34,804 --> 01:14:36,472 And all I had for my efforts was a splitting headache 1586 01:14:36,573 --> 01:14:37,641 And the knowledge that I, too, came 1587 01:14:37,741 --> 01:14:39,342 From a dysfunctional family. 1588 01:14:39,442 --> 01:14:40,243 Hmm. 1589 01:14:40,343 --> 01:14:41,310 Does that one still wet the bed? 1590 01:14:43,713 --> 01:14:44,413 Dakota. 1591 01:14:44,514 --> 01:14:45,682 Whoa, Dakota. 1592 01:14:45,782 --> 01:14:48,852 Half man, half... well, actually, all man in a dress. 1593 01:14:48,952 --> 01:14:51,220 We kissed. 1594 01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:52,488 I hope Dakota was OK. 1595 01:14:52,589 --> 01:14:54,591 Well, I didn't really care what happened to Dakota. 1596 01:14:54,691 --> 01:14:56,693 In fact, I hoped the kidnappers poked him in the head 1597 01:14:56,793 --> 01:14:57,794 With a sharp stick. 1598 01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:14,410 Get back in here if you ever want to see Dakota alive again. 1599 01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:15,478 I can't her you. 1600 01:15:15,579 --> 01:15:16,713 I said get back in here if you ever want... 1601 01:15:16,813 --> 01:15:18,014 Not listening. Can't hear you. 1602 01:15:18,114 --> 01:15:18,948 Not listening. 1603 01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:19,783 Can't hear a thing. 1604 01:15:19,883 --> 01:15:20,617 No. 1605 01:15:20,717 --> 01:15:21,751 I missed you, Harry. 1606 01:15:29,559 --> 01:15:30,526 Look at me, Harry. 1607 01:15:33,496 --> 01:15:37,734 How do I know it's real? 1608 01:15:37,834 --> 01:15:41,605 That's what it's all about, Harry. 1609 01:15:41,705 --> 01:15:46,209 When we were little kids, Dakota used to steal my dolls. 1610 01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:49,045 But then when we got older, she started 1611 01:15:49,145 --> 01:15:54,918 Stealing my clothes, purses, shoes, makeup, 1612 01:15:55,018 --> 01:15:57,486 My boyfriends, even my husband. 1613 01:16:00,289 --> 01:16:05,428 And then when he stole you, Harry, what was a girl to do? 1614 01:16:05,528 --> 01:16:06,663 You didn't kill him? 1615 01:16:06,763 --> 01:16:07,463 No. 1616 01:16:07,563 --> 01:16:09,766 But I wanted to. 1617 01:16:09,866 --> 01:16:13,703 I cut his credit cards in half and messed up his hair. 1618 01:16:13,803 --> 01:16:15,972 And then I let him go in the woman's department at Kmart. 1619 01:16:16,072 --> 01:16:17,941 No. 1620 01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:19,408 I'll take you to him if you want me to. 1621 01:16:44,167 --> 01:16:45,568 [Honking] 1622 01:16:45,669 --> 01:16:46,703 [Screaming] 1623 01:17:06,622 --> 01:17:09,492 MALE SPEAKER (VOICEOVER): Let us examine the mating ritual 1624 01:17:09,592 --> 01:17:12,461 Of the North American heterosexual. 1625 01:17:12,561 --> 01:17:18,401 It begins with chase, followed by a series of leaps 1626 01:17:18,501 --> 01:17:24,273 And bounds, culminating in the mediocre impression 1627 01:17:24,373 --> 01:17:26,209 Of a modern airplane. 1628 01:17:26,309 --> 01:17:29,145 Truly a wondrous sight to behold. 1629 01:17:35,618 --> 01:17:36,552 Would you like some wine? 1630 01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:38,021 I would love some wind. 1631 01:17:38,121 --> 01:17:38,822 What kind is it? 1632 01:17:38,922 --> 01:17:39,655 Red. 1633 01:17:39,756 --> 01:17:41,691 I meant what... oh, forget it. 1634 01:17:41,791 --> 01:17:43,092 How about some lobster? 1635 01:17:43,192 --> 01:17:44,393 What about your diet? 1636 01:17:44,493 --> 01:17:45,729 Forget the diet. 1637 01:17:49,733 --> 01:17:52,135 Oh, let me tell you. 1638 01:17:55,204 --> 01:17:59,042 You know, Harry, I've really never seen you eat before. 1639 01:17:59,142 --> 01:18:02,578 You know, being with you, I'm happy. 1640 01:18:02,678 --> 01:18:03,546 I can be myself. 1641 01:18:03,646 --> 01:18:04,748 I don't have to hold anything back. 1642 01:18:04,848 --> 01:18:06,249 You know, and it's all because of you. 1643 01:18:06,349 --> 01:18:09,385 Well, you know, Harry, I'm really not the easiest person 1644 01:18:09,485 --> 01:18:10,754 In the word to get along with. 1645 01:18:10,854 --> 01:18:11,821 Oh, sure you are. 1646 01:18:11,921 --> 01:18:15,091 Could you pass me that coleslaw, please? 1647 01:18:15,191 --> 01:18:17,593 You know, I'm the type of woman who gets upset 1648 01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,963 Over the slightest things. 1649 01:18:20,063 --> 01:18:21,697 Oh. 1650 01:18:21,798 --> 01:18:24,801 Would you like some watermelon, Harry? 1651 01:18:24,901 --> 01:18:25,869 Oh, look... a squirrel. 1652 01:19:29,198 --> 01:19:29,899 OK. 1653 01:19:29,999 --> 01:19:32,535 I'll be right back. 1654 01:19:32,635 --> 01:19:33,336 Goodbye. 1655 01:19:39,342 --> 01:19:41,310 I'm off to join the merchant marines. 1656 01:19:41,410 --> 01:19:42,745 [Gunshot] 1657 01:19:42,846 --> 01:19:44,647 HARRY (VOICEOVER): A shot rang out. 1658 01:19:44,747 --> 01:19:46,082 But the producers were out of money, 1659 01:19:46,182 --> 01:19:47,516 So it wasn't very convincing. 1660 01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:55,024 Look what I got you from the store, Angelkins. 1661 01:19:55,124 --> 01:19:56,893 [Gunshot] 1662 01:19:56,993 --> 01:20:01,264 Oh, oh, oh! 1663 01:20:05,734 --> 01:20:07,036 What was that noise? 1664 01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:07,837 Gunshots? 1665 01:20:12,208 --> 01:20:14,177 My dog shot these two women. 1666 01:20:14,277 --> 01:20:14,978 How awful. 1667 01:20:15,078 --> 01:20:16,112 Yeah. 1668 01:20:16,212 --> 01:20:17,813 What's your name? 1669 01:20:17,914 --> 01:20:18,614 Harry. 1670 01:20:18,714 --> 01:20:20,216 Harry, I'm a producer. 1671 01:20:20,316 --> 01:20:21,650 I make movies. 1672 01:20:21,750 --> 01:20:23,419 But not for HBO. 1673 01:20:23,519 --> 01:20:24,620 Maybe you've heard of them. 1674 01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:25,488 "Drive Through Slaughter." 1675 01:20:25,588 --> 01:20:26,755 Yeah. 1676 01:20:26,856 --> 01:20:28,757 "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, the Story of Ted Bundy." 1677 01:20:28,858 --> 01:20:29,692 Yeah. 1678 01:20:29,792 --> 01:20:31,895 And my triumph, "Midwife Crisis." 1679 01:20:31,995 --> 01:20:33,462 Oh, I loved that one. 1680 01:20:33,562 --> 01:20:34,330 It was a 3D spectacular. 1681 01:20:34,430 --> 01:20:35,664 I know, I know. 1682 01:20:35,764 --> 01:20:37,266 But enough about me. 1683 01:20:37,366 --> 01:20:39,468 Let's talk about you and your future. 1684 01:20:39,568 --> 01:20:42,038 I walk in here, you're tied to the bed. 1685 01:20:42,138 --> 01:20:43,072 There's bodies on the bed. 1686 01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:43,873 True. 1687 01:20:43,973 --> 01:20:45,141 And a homicidal pet. 1688 01:20:45,241 --> 01:20:46,542 Got me there. 1689 01:20:46,642 --> 01:20:50,279 I'll give you $500,000 for your life story, Harry, right now. 1690 01:20:50,379 --> 01:20:51,080 Great. 1691 01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:54,350 Could you untie me first? 1692 01:20:54,450 --> 01:20:56,819 (SINGING) For he's a jolly good fellow, 1693 01:20:56,920 --> 01:21:03,626 For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow. 1694 01:21:03,726 --> 01:21:05,128 Fuck it. 1695 01:21:05,228 --> 01:21:07,030 What are you going to do with the money, Harry? 1696 01:21:07,130 --> 01:21:09,298 Well, it was a difficult decision to make. 1697 01:21:09,398 --> 01:21:12,335 On the one hand, Montana needs a very expensive brain 1698 01:21:12,435 --> 01:21:14,870 Surgery to be like the way she was before she 1699 01:21:14,971 --> 01:21:16,339 Got shot in the head. 1700 01:21:16,439 --> 01:21:18,741 But it's been a long time since I've taken a vacation. 1701 01:21:18,841 --> 01:21:21,477 So tomorrow, we're flying off to see the running of the bulls. 1702 01:21:54,243 --> 01:21:55,211 Whoa, 30 seconds. 1703 01:21:55,311 --> 01:21:57,580 New record. 1704 01:21:57,680 --> 01:21:58,681 Where are you going? 1705 01:21:58,781 --> 01:22:00,683 I thought I would make us something to eat. 1706 01:22:27,110 --> 01:22:29,012 Is everything OK? 1707 01:22:29,112 --> 01:22:31,514 [Glass breaking] 1708 01:22:38,054 --> 01:22:38,954 What are you doing here? 1709 01:22:51,034 --> 01:22:53,236 HARRY (ON ANSWERING MACHING): Dakota, it's Harry. 1710 01:22:53,336 --> 01:22:54,070 Are you there? 1711 01:22:54,170 --> 01:22:57,740 Pick up the phone, you freak. 1712 01:22:57,840 --> 01:22:59,408 Anyway, I'm marrying Montana. 1713 01:22:59,508 --> 01:23:01,077 But you know something, Dakota? 1714 01:23:01,177 --> 01:23:04,880 Whenever I think about you and those special times we had, 1715 01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:09,385 I just want to... [gags] 1716 01:23:19,128 --> 01:23:21,497 Oh, Montana. 1717 01:23:21,597 --> 01:23:23,832 I looked all my life for someone like you, 1718 01:23:23,932 --> 01:23:26,001 And you're finally right next to me. 1719 01:23:26,102 --> 01:23:27,470 It's like a dream come true. 1720 01:23:36,812 --> 01:23:39,882 I'm finally off to join the Merchant Marines. 1721 01:23:39,982 --> 01:23:40,683 Montana. 1722 01:23:40,783 --> 01:23:43,519 What a hairy back you have. 1723 01:23:43,619 --> 01:23:45,020 Oh no! 1724 01:23:49,625 --> 01:23:50,626 No! 1725 01:23:50,726 --> 01:23:51,427 Don't worry. 1726 01:23:51,527 --> 01:23:52,528 That's my service revolver. 1727 01:23:52,628 --> 01:23:53,362 I never keep it loaded. 1728 01:23:58,201 --> 01:23:59,102 Whoops. 1729 01:23:59,202 --> 01:24:00,803 [Knocking] 1730 01:24:00,903 --> 01:24:01,604 DICK: Harry. 1731 01:24:01,704 --> 01:24:02,605 It's me, Dick. 1732 01:24:02,705 --> 01:24:05,074 I've got great news. 1733 01:24:05,174 --> 01:24:06,575 [Knocking] 1734 01:24:06,675 --> 01:24:10,546 I know you're in here. 1735 01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:11,780 Duck! 1736 01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:12,715 Yeah. 1737 01:24:12,815 --> 01:24:14,983 I brought you a housewarming gift. 1738 01:24:15,084 --> 01:24:17,720 I'm really happy for you, Harry. 1739 01:24:17,820 --> 01:24:18,587 I thought you were dead. 1740 01:24:18,687 --> 01:24:19,388 Yeah. 1741 01:24:19,488 --> 01:24:21,157 So did Siskel and Ebert. 1742 01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:22,858 But after we became partners, I went out and bought 1743 01:24:22,958 --> 01:24:24,393 Myself a bulletproof vest. 1744 01:24:24,493 --> 01:24:26,262 I'm with Internal Affairs. 1745 01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,164 We thought you were Dirty, Harry. 1746 01:24:28,264 --> 01:24:29,465 Can we get back to the killer? 1747 01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,966 You were a prime suspect, Harry. 1748 01:24:31,066 --> 01:24:32,335 Who would have thought the killer 1749 01:24:32,435 --> 01:24:36,672 Was a psychotic, loved-obsessed transvestite fixated on you? 1750 01:24:36,772 --> 01:24:39,175 You haven't seen anyone around here matching that description, 1751 01:24:39,275 --> 01:24:39,975 Have you? 1752 01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:41,043 Like the captain? 1753 01:24:41,144 --> 01:24:42,345 Yeah, he's OK. 1754 01:24:42,445 --> 01:24:44,147 Drinks a little too much, but all in all, a good cop. 1755 01:24:44,247 --> 01:24:45,481 Why do you ask? 1756 01:24:45,581 --> 01:24:48,517 Because he's standing right behind you in a mini skirt. 1757 01:24:52,488 --> 01:24:53,856 Hello, Dick. 1758 01:24:53,956 --> 01:24:55,791 Please tell me you're Uncle Keller. 1759 01:24:55,891 --> 01:24:56,759 Goodbye, Dick. 1760 01:25:00,296 --> 01:25:02,030 So how do you like the neighborhood? 1761 01:25:02,131 --> 01:25:02,998 It's OK. 1762 01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:05,468 A little quiet. 1763 01:25:05,568 --> 01:25:08,637 [Inaudible] panty liner. 1764 01:25:08,737 --> 01:25:10,139 [Inaudible], Captain. 1765 01:25:51,680 --> 01:25:52,381 Wow. 1766 01:25:52,481 --> 01:25:54,983 Is this your car? 1767 01:25:55,083 --> 01:25:55,884 Hey. 1768 01:25:55,984 --> 01:25:57,186 Go ahead. 1769 01:25:57,286 --> 01:25:58,053 You drive. 1770 01:25:58,153 --> 01:25:58,854 Really? 1771 01:26:07,563 --> 01:26:09,932 HARRY: You know, I was just thinking. 1772 01:26:10,032 --> 01:26:12,034 How would you look in a blonde wig, Dick? 1773 01:26:12,134 --> 01:26:13,402 You know, Dakota left some of her dresses 1774 01:26:13,502 --> 01:26:14,537 Over at my apartment. 1775 01:26:14,637 --> 01:26:15,938 You're about the same size. 1776 01:26:16,038 --> 01:26:18,274 Why don't you come on by and try them on? 1777 01:26:18,374 --> 01:26:19,208 We've got time to kill. 1778 01:26:19,308 --> 01:26:20,509 DICK: What are you talking about? 1779 01:26:20,609 --> 01:26:21,477 HARRY: What are you, kidding? 1780 01:26:21,577 --> 01:26:22,411 Those legs are gorgeous. 1781 01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:23,379 DICK: Take your hand off my knee. 1782 01:26:23,479 --> 01:26:25,113 HARRY: Hey... DICK: Emergency. 1783 01:26:25,214 --> 01:26:26,382 Emergency. 1784 01:26:26,482 --> 01:26:28,150 Officer needs assistance. 1785 01:26:28,251 --> 01:26:29,518 HARRY: Tell them to bring more handcuffs. 1786 01:26:29,618 --> 01:26:30,619 DICK: Get out. 1787 01:26:30,719 --> 01:26:31,920 Pull over right now and get out of my car. 1788 01:26:32,020 --> 01:26:34,323 HARRY: Gee, I don't handle rejection very well, Dick. 1789 01:26:34,423 --> 01:26:35,424 DICK: Just get out of my car. 1790 01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:36,692 HARRY: The car is moving, Dick. 1791 01:26:36,792 --> 01:26:37,493 DICK: Great. 1792 01:26:37,593 --> 01:26:38,327 Get out anyway. 1793 01:26:38,427 --> 01:26:39,895 Here, I'll get the door for you. 1794 01:26:39,995 --> 01:26:41,564 HARRY: You know, I'm detecting a lot of hostility. 1795 01:26:41,664 --> 01:26:43,466 You should get in touch with your feminine side. 1796 01:26:43,566 --> 01:26:45,368 DICK: I'll give you something to get in touch with. 1797 01:26:45,468 --> 01:26:47,336 Let me show you a new choke hold. 1798 01:26:47,436 --> 01:26:48,504 HARRY: Stop it! 1799 01:26:48,604 --> 01:26:49,538 DICK: You look cold. 1800 01:26:49,638 --> 01:26:50,773 How about a traffic flare up your ass? 1801 01:26:54,310 --> 01:26:57,145 Gee, haven't used my taser in a while. 1802 01:26:57,246 --> 01:26:59,114 Your breath reeks. 1803 01:26:59,214 --> 01:27:01,049 Look, pepper spray. 1804 01:27:01,149 --> 01:27:02,551 HARRY: My eyes! 1805 01:27:02,651 --> 01:27:04,587 DICK: Seen the new hollow points? 1806 01:27:04,687 --> 01:27:05,388 HARRY: All right. 1807 01:27:05,488 --> 01:27:06,188 I'm pulling over. 1808 01:27:06,289 --> 01:27:07,390 I'm pulling over. 1809 01:27:07,490 --> 01:27:08,857 I'm getting out, OK? 1810 01:27:21,370 --> 01:27:23,272 Hey, get off my car! 1811 01:27:23,372 --> 01:27:24,740 What are you doing? 1812 01:27:27,343 --> 01:27:29,011 Do you hear me? 1813 01:27:29,111 --> 01:27:30,946 Get off my... go on! 1814 01:27:31,046 --> 01:27:31,914 Get out of here! 1815 01:27:34,883 --> 01:27:35,584 Get out! 1816 01:27:35,684 --> 01:27:36,452 Go on! 1817 01:27:45,461 --> 01:27:46,662 HARRY (VOICEOVER): Montana's premonition 1818 01:27:46,762 --> 01:27:48,263 Fell a little short. 1819 01:27:48,364 --> 01:27:49,932 Nonetheless, Deon Warwick asked her to join 1820 01:27:50,032 --> 01:27:51,434 The Psychic Friends Network. 1821 01:27:51,534 --> 01:27:54,169 [Music playing]